Hello Free World

.me scares face Your

2009-08-28T20:32:00.002+08:00

I can only start to imagine the grim image of someone perishing right before your eyes. For you dad, your birthday this year might not have been one to remember but ignore the finger-pointers, the critics, you'll do just fine.

As for me, after all the media whirlwind about the influenza, I may have chosen a perfect time to contract such a virus as the hype dies down. Of course I'm hoping it isn't. I despise how it has immobilized me for the better part of the past 3 days. Not that I really have anything ultimately to anticipate in the next 3 months or so but you get it. Props to thegf for all the pampering and being taken care of.

I'm lugging myself through week 5 now and I'm pretty sure everyone of you are doing the same? I love thursdays because I sit through an hour of tutorial, 3 hours of senseless conversation with dragan and mel, and sometimes after, watch mel play halo on the xbox at her place. My studies have never taken a forefront role in my list of priorities but I'm pretty confident I'll end up somewhere in life. Or not? We'll leave that for later.

To simplify what has changed around here, nothing. Apart from not getting pathetically drunk on my own now, yes, I've been to a fair few parties where I quickly became drunk but sobered up miraculously faster after every single time. I wish I had more of these parties to go to, but I suppose you only get one birthday a year right.

My cousin's still being that selfish prick that he is. You know I just dont really give a shit anymore about who washes the majority of dishes and crap. He's just going to be like this so I'll let him be like this. Today, I washed 63.75% of the dishes that we used for lunch. He buys my liquid breakfast and redbull, stashes his own stuff into the fridge and leaves mine outside. Enough ranted. *flashes a finger over to the other room*

I'm allocating some money for a haircut. I miss how I just walk into the ahneh barber back home and tell him "pendek, belakang, sideburn semua pendek" then wait for him to shake his head in approval, "atas, sideburn, belakang semua natural". Throw in a shave and complimentary head massage for 10 ringgit. I pay 25 dollars here and I have to pick my hairstyle through a catalogue!

To top up to the sights and sounds of where I live now. Those bastard frankston hobos just wont stop skating at the park opposite well after midnight.

Jinn

Huh?

2009-08-13T23:10:00.008+08:00

Back home, these are my mates.

Inti-mate.

Over he-are, these are me maites.

Fo focks sake, footie's not the roight naime.

Play-maite.

Prime-maite.

"Everything's a maite over he-are."

Jinn

Too miserable for my own good

2009-07-22T01:14:00.004+08:00

In trying times, commit and jump.

Why am I so miserable? Do I not love this life?

I just cant seem to find my footing around these shores. Surely, somewhere, you're undoubtedly watching me falter. There's nothing more heartwrenching-ly amusing than watching someone like me sink far below the surface of normality. Day by day I turn more and more into dust. And you're all here to witness this feat of mine.

There's no feeling like being home. Yes, it feels secure and warmly familiar. The way the bed caves into your weight, the folds on the quilt. But I find myself seemingly afraid to say that this is exactly what I needed. I may have wrongly judged. Maybe?

There is a question which begs an answer. How do I collect myself here for the benefit of returning back to unfamiliarity? Split, swayed by the prospect of a responsibility to fulfill and the idea of loneliness.

I'm sorry, I have not done my part of the bargain. I have not yet come home to clear the air in my head. My mind's clouded, the water's murkier. The departure is inevitable. Part of me yearns for the avoidance to once again dissappoint, whole of me wants clarity.

Why is it hard? This hard for this head of mine to turn this feeling on its rear and send it packing? What have I done wrongly in the process? People have been where I've been, come and go, they've all done exceptionally mediocre, if not well. But still pulled along and emerged unscathed.

Pretty hard for you to read this till this point. Its relatively easier to dissappoint than to please with raw thoughts. Its hard to not get envious of others and pull back and say they're different. No, I'm different. If there's any relevance to it, I should be indifferent to this. But unfortunately I'm not.

I am home. In this comfort. But it feels far from home.

Asking too much?

Jinn

You cant see me

2009-06-16T13:59:00.006+08:00

Few months have passed since I embarked on this journey to self-improvement. I may have achieved a considerable amount of it but I'm nowhere near the finished product. Almost synonymous to the force-field analysis in management, my absurd amount of driving forces for change is quite certainly to be met by increasing restraining forces stacked up against me.

My biggest vice is that I discreetly hate to be that particular forlorn figure standing on the sidelines watching everyone else adapt so well. While simultaneously wanting so fervently to be able to take the long hour ride home. But I have come to question myself time and time again, will being home make a change? The prospect of home sounds endlessly appealing.

Undoubtedly I'm going home to figure myself out. Figure this out. This whole rut that I've put myself through. I will need to be refreshed to shake off this envy. The green envy. But what will two weeks improve? Will it serve its course of refreshment or will it bog down my efforts?

I think I'm a dark character. Twisted by sensitivity. Yearning for attention. Which has probably been the contributing force as to why my adolescent years were plagued with depressive spells. Right up to this day, those traits might never have gone too far from me. I'm like a shadow, never stepping out into the light but there's a certainty that I'm there, following behind nonetheless.

I am the king of mediocrity. Achieving at the middle-most degree. Never excelling in anything undertaken. I've always wanted to be the best at some things I do, but I cant even acknowledge something I do good. While other peers have gone on to become someone better, I'm still that someone teetering on the borderline of failure and acceptence. I'm so exceptionally good at nothing that I take winning the sperm race really seriously as an achievement. No, that was stupid.

As a mere reader, albeit all the words, there are so many things that you just cant comprehend about me.

I wish you could. Really really.

Jinn

Outlook update

2009-06-07T01:04:00.001+08:00

This is me now.

Passive aggressive

2009-06-04T21:44:00.006+08:00

Its safe to assume that my best days are way behind me. And that the best is still yet to come.

Merely done with half a year here and I find myself cultivating some sort of angst, an unconditional despise for the locals. Partly contributed by the fact that there has been too much racism and discrimination bestowed upon the superior race, practiced with the guidance of devilish forms such as binge drinking. Or maybe just routine ignorance to be brought up with. I'm may not be someone to talk however, being just a visitor to this stolen land. Even in my beautiful land of home I'm aptly labelled an "immigrant" for that matter.

Though I'm not here to be an advocate against racism am I? However disgustingly appealing it may seem, its set to stay for a long time more.

Despite having to be wary finding my way around, I've been doing better than the last time I checked in here with something substantial. Been going around alot, getting my calendar filled. The state library remains my favourite haunt. The free internet is besides the point. I'm more than happy to burrow myself in a corner and do my shit. Yes, I'm a corner person. Took awhile to get accustomed to getting around the library as big as a museum. Well, it partly is a museum.

I finally got my first semester of assignments tucked away nicely in the lecturers' dropbox as well. Hoping to prove myself right that I'm more inclined to being hands-on because I never do my best in full-scale exams. In the course of time, management has established itself as my forte, my front-running subject, and as much as my attempts to contribute this to the fact that I have indulged in 8 days, 2 hours, 51 minutes worth of football manager is abit far-fetched. I think this is my stepping stone to becoming a great football manager. A career option I would never dismiss, although not valid in terms of Malaysian football.

So far most of my assignments have fetched better than average. Although to think I'm only treading water in my first year would extinguish some shine into that notion. However may I stress that it is not easy. Its like how SPM was when you were in form 5. And to come out to college and say it was nothing.

On fashion level, I find myself more inclined to dressing up more korean-like. Pardon my stereotyping. My hair certainly plays the part, my body shape has dramatically altered to make a size 32 pair of skinny jeans seem like a size 36. I never leave home without my essentials, like any metrosexual, I have essentials now, that certain items can only be paired with complementary accessories. A scarf, my converses or onitsuka tigers, my d60 (I'm still yet to do justice to its hefty price), ear studs, and a country road bag that slings around your arms like a conventional handbag. There are still some Gucci shades and Ferragamo belts that I've yet to conquer. I'm just kidding. Or am I?

I think the correct term for the look I'm trying to achieve is bohemian.

Prioritising by importance, I'll be returning home on the 7th of July to restock on basic topman tees (the tight bright ones), a leather jacket, new lenses, mock thick-framed glasses, more skinny jeans, a fedora and a beanie (preferably with nice ear-flaps and a little cotton ball hanging from the top). Before family and meeting old acquaintances. And suzy, oh how much I've missed her.

Jinn

Monstrosity

2009-05-31T00:21:00.001+08:00

Blog readers, meet Muffin.
Muffin, meet blog readers.

Requiem

2009-05-30T12:51:00.001+08:00

Beautiful sunny autumn day in Melbourne city.

Testing

2009-05-26T23:47:00.001+08:00

I'm testing out blogging from my iPhone. Seems like it works pretty well.

Honest

2009-05-07T22:53:00.003+08:00

I love how millions of people flood their blogs with their genuine, raw thoughts.

I recently slipped into my prior state once again. Apparently it seems I'll be languishing in it for a longer time to come. Why do I end up so miserable here? In addition to my cousin, as a housemate who wouldn't even wash my one dirty plate along with the kitchen crockery that he uses, he just washes his stuff and leaves that one plate alone, just because I used that fucking plate and not him. Since when did things become so segregated? My fucking plate is your fucking plate.

I'm doing beer bottles one after the other, with my head spinning, I thought I was supposed to feel nothing. Even if I do, I wasn't supposed to give a fuck. But why do I still care, if not more than ever why I feel so insignificant?

Why am I subjected to being this way? Dont I deserve to feel like everybody else? Not crawling around this shithole I'm in, waiting for a fucking change that doesn't seem to be coming.

Stop neglecting my existence. I deserve a place in your life as much as everyone else. Unless I'm that one entity that you loathe, then tell me you loathe me and lets be done with it. This goes out to everyone.

Haha, is it me or do I sound pathetic? So uninspired. So low. I'm not here for your sympathy though. So you can keep that. I'm trying to be fucking honest behind that facade.

Oh change, where the fuck are you???

Oh god, I've had one too much to drink.

Jinn

SomebodyNobodyAnybody?

2009-05-07T00:10:00.006+08:00

"You may not have won anything, but at least you're a someone from a no one."

That up there, quoted by my former athletics coach, respectfully referred to as sir Zol. Who then, has clearly no idea about the real definition of my being a someone now.

I miss being that someone then. The belonging to a fraternity, a posse in which your significance is undefined. Not precisely limited.

Now, I'm just a somebody, living as a nobody in a land of everybody.

Sitting down here in the glow of my reading lamp, while (almost)the whole Melbourne sleeps. My heightened sensations in brief periods of silence never fails to amaze me. I listen to the whizz of the passing car's tyres as they brush against the foundations of the street below, the subtle clicks of footsteps (the same sound you get when you crush hard candy with your molars) on pavements and the occassional incomprehensible yabber of the beloved street's late-night pedestrians. Possibly drunk. High from crack and cocaine. Little things I love to assume, it intrigues me.

Out of a realisation I suspect, I conjure a flattering idea under my breath.

"What a great time to be alive."

When humanity is at its peak. Where progression is stagnant. The people around us, basking in the glory of modernisation. Is this really where the beginning of the end starts?

And then like the fleeting life of the poor mayfly.

"It is also a great time to cease."

Jinn

Piglet flu

2009-05-04T14:06:00.000+08:00

B

2009-04-30T23:38:00.004+08:00

Happy 2nd Anniversary B!

Way back when, Ciao at Jalan Tun Razak

Remember when this picture was taken way back. You still had that nose piercing I liked so much.

Here's to more!

I Love You. More than my 'once hard', hairless, lumpy hands can count.

Jinn

I fold

2009-04-28T22:16:00.003+08:00

And autumn is in full flight. I've been piling on layers and layers trying to counter the icy gusts. The melbourne weather is as unpredictable as you might already know. The typical day starts off with a beautiful sunny glow and birds chirping. It stays to play for abit before the rain clouds roll in and freezes everything below it. Even though it decides not to pour. Maybe the state of victoria's tagline should mention a hint of the weather just to overshadow the pseudo image of victoria being "the place to be".

The final half of the semester is just about done in 3 weeks and it seems alot to cover in half a year. I'm struggling with assignments for the first time in my life, putting utmost emphasis on refraining to plagiarise and doing my referencing right. I've never heard of referencing prior to this, let alone acknowledging someone else's work. Considering this is the standard of workload in my first year, the next ones aren't going to be too smooth.

As I would love to think things are slowly straightening out right. The nagging uncertainty has never been set to leave just yet. Although, I must say, I've been making progress. I'm going out more, recently spending a bulk of my time at the state library, and not only because the temperature inside is regulated while everything is cold and gloomy outside. I've been finding my way about, being a tad bit happier than I was. Maybe this is as far as it goes.

Finally trying to get out and about.

Something I love doing is browsing through my inbox of my old samsung before I sleep at night. Reading over and over messages from last year and back when it was still a long way to leaving. The 2 months spent living in a foreign yet familiar land. Abu Dhabi was comfortable, more comfortable comparitively to anywhere that I might have ever been. Being with thegirlfriend and her family was an incentive. Spending my days just walking around the malls, Al-Wahda, Marina, Abu Dhabi mall, although I undoubtedly spent a little too much. Trying my hand with a left-hand drive vehicle on rare occasions. Representing the consulate of Singapore in dragon boating along the stretch of clear blue water next to the exhibition centre. Going to Istanbul, my first foray to the european region, although I suffered rather badly with the culture shock.

Abu Dhabi, where the world is flat.

The only possible time I really felt in a team.

Didn't enjoy Istanbul, but thankful for the experience.

Browsing through, I stumbled upon a few of kelvin's messages. Though as simple as "where are you?", it flooded me with thoughts of him, knowing I'll never see him again.

And then there were those messages sent in the process of planning something with the rest. Our late-night outs, beer and drinking sessions, dinners, getaway trips and so forth.

Rockband/poker night. Something to remember.

My mind has never been so congested before I sleep.

Melbourne, a city so overpopulated, so inspired and eccentric, yet so cold and empty.

Jinn

Hurt or heal?

2009-04-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

I know I might've been a little too open. Too honest for anyone's liking. Things confined in the very spaces of my mind being thrown about without remorse. I apologize. I never should've thought out loud.

There are those things I potray. And then there are some that others would never comprehend. If I were to lie to you, I'd say I'm more than happy standing here. Filling this cavity of time somewhere along the rolls of my life. Its not easy, but I cant go about assuming I'm the only one man feeling this way.

How many would be delighted to be able to be in my place. Where I'm in now, at this point of time, with that shot of being successful? Thankful for this opportunity. Thankful for being significant one way or another.

But it doesn't tie me down to the fact that I can't feel low because that is somewhat the case.

Just like you and I, I have needs and wants, which not fulfilled, the ever present sense of misery and loneliness is almost certainly here to stay, and it doesn't diminish just because my opportunities are a little more privileged than most.

Albeit the fact, I shouldn't have said what I said. To realise it took more people to be hurt than to understand was discouraging.

Though the seriousness of this should be waning by now.

Jinn

Lets be fucking honest here

2009-04-05T23:51:00.002+08:00

I'm on my face's edge with the wall. Things were looking so prospective before I set off from where I grew up. My comfort. My backyard. Let's be darn honest here, mum, dad, time's up, I want to go home.

I fucking want to go home.

Its my silent plea. My quiet protest. A feint sense of regret. I'm really miserable here. Standing on the balcony watching the throngs of people as they walk down the street. Each individual is beckoned by a peer, or many in that matter, another individual with a same purpose, same agenda. And I think to myself, why am I here? Why not down there?

I find myself pathetic. All I gather from others is empathy. Without inspiration, without breakthrough. I'm at a junction where I can't understand this situation and neither can anyone.

I'm lonely. Beyond all things comprehensible. I'm so lonely. Even with the occasional person by my side. Even when I'm surrounded, I'm that one figure in my world. Even with an occasional foray into the public with some people, I strike a lonesome figure. Why? I'm struggling to know why.

I'm alone and I envy. I envy the people here who are making it. Who are always never free, never bored, never lonely. I see their pictures, I watch their days, it makes me feel low. It makes me feel so miserable.

My state of mind has ruled my body. I try, I do. I try to go out and have a great time. Make plans for my own. But most of the time those plans dont come to fruition because I just dont want to step out.

I want to get out, but I'm so confined in my condition, I cant seem to help it. I'm so scared that today is just another mirage of a better day before I slip back into my initial state.

This is harder than I thought it would be. Trying to type these feelings out. Everything is on the surface level. I'm trying to delve deeper but it wouldn't patch up in words.

As much as you'd like to protest, I've got no one here. In the city, the place I thought I'd be most at home, is already so foreign to me. I'm on my own. And everyone has someone or something to look forward to. I'm stagnant.

And when I ventured into a new place last night, Berwick, although surrounded by my compatriots and local peers. Its hard for me to find that welcome because I'm not part of the fraternity or the group. Which was discouraging. Uncomfortable.

Please try to understand mum, dad, you're never going to read this, but I need to go home. I need to be where I'm significant. Where I'm part of someone's life. I'm no-one here, insignificant, alone, miserable, envious, down, pathetic.

I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you or me wanted it to. Its going to be hard. And I dont know when I'll finally crumble. While I'm almost at the brink now.

You'll read this, but this situation is much bigger and more serious than what words can describe.

Jinn

A new plaything

2009-03-21T14:23:00.007+08:00

Still learning the trade.

Jinn

You're an escape

2009-03-12T12:54:00.004+08:00

I love it when its a thunderstorm, and you know that gloom to come.

I'm an overnight success story. I'm a size 36 to size 32. Remember how I confessed about wanting skinnies? I bought two pairs and lost more weight since.

I'm a dysfunctional body. Working against the natural process.

I'm on a deserved break, culminating from nights of thinking and working. But yet I'm adamant that my real break lies away from where I sit now. I feel heavy to motion. Hesitant still to make moves.

I'm hoping for rain, so I have a plausible reason to stay in.

I'm disgusted of the jail food I make to stay alive. But I know I'm hungry.

I'm glad to have found people I could share a common interest with at my institution. But doubtful still that anything substantial could me made out from it.

I'm missing home. But silently searching for signs that home misses me.

I'm in a position where cancer sticks are what keeps my blood flowing. But aware enough to know its what buries me.

I'm one to enjoy spontaneity. But when the opportunity becomes scarce, I wish things were planned out beforehand.

I'm enjoying the progression of things. But sceptical about the prospect.

I'm satisfied with wind in my face. But longing for it to blow me away.

I'm assuming its a placebo effect. But its too realistic to dispel that notion.

I love it when its marred by imperfections. But beautiful still.

I'm in a mire. But funny enough, I'm contented in here.

Jinn

Everytime you download music, a kitten dies

2009-03-03T14:04:00.009+08:00

Here's a confession, I've always longed for one of those black skinny jeans that hugs you lovingly in the best places. But I cant fit into any. Either that or it bear hugs me.

The Man behind my door.

We're on extreme weather alert now apparently because Victoria Police texted everyone yesterday informing us of another possible bushfire due to escalating temperatures and strong winds today. Well they probably got the strong winds part correct because when I go out, my hair is struggling to hold in one style and I think the boxers I left out to dry last night turned out coated with dust, like a dust cushion somewhere around my scrotal regions now. It rained this morning as well, and the sky does not look like clearing up anytime soon, so chances are you wont be seeing another heartwarming picture of a fireman feeding a scalded koala bear in the papers.

This is the Edward Cullen your mother warned you about.

And with that, I hope this turns out to be the anti-climax to the end of summer.

Melissa Pong in the kitchen, only when the stars are aligned.

In an unrelated but equally interesting note, my university is on strike. Our vice-chancellor came out with a considerate idea to extend facilities by prospectively wanting to construct new campuses. This, in return, has required the university to slash expenses to as much as 30 million dollars. Thus, resulting in the inevitable sacking of 270 staff members and shutting down two other campuses in the outer suburbs. This incredible act of infamy increased student numbers in my campus by about 20 percent, some courses and subjects are in the works of being removed, and we now hold the honorable title of the institution with the 'Worst Teacher-Student Ratio' in Australia. Sigh.

I'm accustomed to sitting alone in uni. Its not easy mingling around.

So to oppose this modern form of hierarchal tyranny, the lecturers and tutors have decided to go on a boycott for about 6 days in 3 weeks. Which undoubtedly means NO NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY NEXT WEEK!

No lah, I'm really serious with my education. I'm dismayed, I really am.

Jinny

Feist-y

2009-02-27T22:35:00.003+08:00

I'll Try Anything Once - The Strokes

Hey, if you have an iPhone, get Shazam from the applications store, because if you hear a song somewhere, and it pisses the shit out of you because you dont know what it is or anything, turn Shazam on and record a snippet of it, it will then search its database of 9 million songs (haha!) and provide you with the answers you seek. Its S.H.A.Z.A.M.

Oh wait, its only available in anywhere but Malaysia.

I've shifted in. Yes. I'm finally inhabiting my own space. Space I duly paid for with a hefty price. And because my room is small and claustrophobic, it undoubtedly looks fifty times cosier now that it is clustered. Tomorrow I'm poised to blu-tack my wall with printed pictures so I get to see everyone's pretty faces before I doze off every now and then.

And maybe take a nice little photo for everyone to admire. Heh.

Its quite a feeling finally living alone. Albeit my cousin's soundly asleep in the room beside. The responsiblities of signing contracts and paying bills on my own, retrieving my own mail, having my name printed on official envelopes. No to mention the overwhelming sense of freedom. Its like finally, a new chapter in life, not in a pseudo context anymore, a real new experience. Although I still loathe the idea of housework.

And classes have started. Having successfully scraping through week 1, I have 2 assignments due in week 3 and a huge one about an interview with a real-life manager. I've also added into 'the people I met' tally, three and quarter Australians, one quarter Indian, one quarter German and one Serbian. Going out to play has been rather tough for me but hopefully it works in my favour.

Its the comfort of having people I know that are willing to do shit with me that's waning.

Today I've been shooting a repertoire of rhetorical questions to myself about my apparent weight-loss. 6 of my kilograms have mysteriously vanished. My waist feels bare at the thought of my size 36 pants that no longer hugs it. Even with the diligent help of the belt.

To add salt to injury, my shirts have all shrunk because of some dryer.

I'm torn between shopping for new clothes or extra feeding myself so I can fit into old clothes. Both requiring to stretch my budget a little tighter. I never knew losing weight had such repercussions.

Jinny

On The Other Side Of The World

2009-02-24T21:12:00.002+08:00

Integrity is a full basin, shame is the spiral down the sinkhole.

I can't remember the last time I've started an institution without knowing anyone at all. After three days of orientations and 2 days of classes, I've only come to introduce myself to one and a half Malaysian(s), two british lads and five and a half Australian(s).

Victoria University has decided to start a week earlier than every other higher education institution in Australia, which has condemned me to a 6.30am wake up call, and a 45 minute tram-train-tram ride much sooner than anyone else.

But three days of classes, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I have the long weekend ahead. Sounds too appealing to make up for it.

I'm very aware of the idealogy of cramming classes into as few days in a week as possible.

Mental block because Gossip Girl is on tv. The bitchful sounds are very very distracting.

Jinny

Lets go see Raoul, lets make a stand

2009-02-10T22:06:00.006+08:00

I have finally stumbled upon one greatest flaw of the magnificent iphone. I cant bloody upload the photos I took into my computer. And then another just popped into my head, you cant take videos with it.

Then I found this application that allows you to post pictures onto facebook from the iphone. I just have to go to facebook and save image. So inconvenient.

Anyway, a photo of Seasons, the apartment I'll be shifting into maybe by next week.

This is Pelham Street, where the apartment is. Beautiful evening today.

And I was scrolling through Chi Khan's blog today and I came across this other photo. Sometimes being a boy and being dumb does put smiles on people's faces.

Classic us.

Jinny

Binman to Hitman

2009-02-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

As of now, I've been in this land almost a week. Still struggling to shake off that habit of thinking too much about home and the stupid things I do when I have the freedom of being behind the wheel of my life.

And today, I've conveniently heard tragic stories of how some people require a whole year's of bawling over the phone to come to a stage where they cant wait to come back here. I'm further doubting myself now.

Its astonishing, the weather really. How temperatures can fluctuate by 20 degrees in a day. Last Saturday, Melbourne had the worst heatwave in history, contributing to bushfires in the suburbs and killing almost 130 people as of now. Right now, its 15 degrees celcius. Complimenting a day of a constant 19 degrees. You never make it a priority to trust the weather forecasts.

Since I got here, I've been moving about, getting alot of distance in my daily walking exercises. I refuse to take the tram because the weather is good. When the weather is bad, I refuse to go out. So far I've been running around to banks, getting bank cheques done, and gallavanting to and fro to the city and to the real estate agent's office.

After the day, its just staying home, watching The Biggest Loser and So You Think You Can Dance and playing pro evolution soccer. Which I suspect is the causing my right arrow button on the keyboard to be a little knackered up. A little bit of facebooking would be an understatement on the largest scale.

But I'll get over it soon.

Sometimes I feel slightly limited for things to do, but I actually have an Australian Tenancy Booklet to read and pages of rules to memorise in abiding to the law of renting property. Oh, I finally have an apartment.

Now that just leaves me with furniture shopping, utensils, internet connection, paperworks, more bank visits.............

I've also come to realise that I really need to mind my language on facebook. Seems like my dad's my most avid fan.

I'd like to think that I could work part-time, given the salary paid to students here is astoundingly high(say RM5/5 minutes), and finance my return ticket back home during the winter. But sub-consciously I also know that I can finance part of my huge rent. However I prefer to stay oblivious.

I know I lack the pictures to justify the amount of words I write sometimes. I apologize. I will post some, soon.

Jinny

Melbourne, 2009 - ?

2009-02-05T18:55:00.003+08:00

Right now its just 2009 - 2009, because I cant wait to go back to my glorious homeland at the end of the year.

Hello hello, this is me again, I think I'm undergoing an initial bout of homesickness, bound to get worse and worse.

I do wonder sometimes what everyone else is doing back home. And the fact that the sun sets at 8.30pm, uncannily, stimulates that thought even more.

Yes, I did cry, albeit having my man-ego torn to shreds, I admit. Like a 5 year old child leaving mummy for the first time in many people's context. But it is hard not to bawl, okay maybe not bawl. It is hard not to tear after the past month of bonding with everyone I know back home. Its a very warm fuzzy feeling knowing everyone acknowledges you and when you depart, and that its not just a sad affair for yourself. Ah, I miss you guys already.

The weather here is awesome, sarcasm not applied. The air is chilly, which is really quite apparent when night falls. Its just the sun thats scorching. The news here predicts that this Saturday comes another bout of heatwaves, pushing the mercury to about 43 degrees. Thats much more than any Malaysian can handle. And the apartment I'm living in now, thegirlfriend's apartment, has no air-cond. Just 2 stand fans in service for combat.

I've been internet deprived since I got here and now that I have it, we just realised that the maximum bandwith is just 200mb. Which means it might just run out by say, tomorrow. With 15cents per mb after limit. Not to mention I spent 13 dollars on wifi at Gloria Jeans this afternoon.

Anyway, I'm yet to acquire my Australian number but in the meantime, I have my usual one and another M'sian number at +6017-3388815. I'll give you my Australian account number on request if any of you are feeling generous. Say, donate to the BradJinn fund. Heh.

And I've gotten myself another email address because I've realised embaressment while filling up official documents with my current address.

chiaeujinn@gmail.com

There, a slightly more matured one. Anyone wants to snail-mail me, I'd be happy to entertain.

Oh, okay, bye!

Leong, Hann, Mel, I'm waiting for you!

Jinny

Time to shape it and make it

2009-01-25T23:45:00.003+08:00

Its a little too soon to be taking off don't you think?

The chinese new year is in approximately 10 minutes and I've already collected today a fair share of support funds for abroad. In about a week, I know I'll be terribly homesick, sick missing the new year buzz, gatherings and those late-night marauding to bars with the people I'll equally miss.

One box of belongings has already found its way to Melbourne. And thats it, nothing else seems to be going just yet. I really thought It'd be easy, this whole packing up and leaving, leave out all the rest and start afresh. I really thought my persistence and determination to move on was impenetrable. Now I lay, emotionally even more attached to lets just say 'home'.

I bet thegirlfriend feels almost the same way too. Comfortingly, I have her with me until hann, melpong and that cousin of mine arrives later on in the month.

So far, work hasn't really been all too enjoyable without kelvin around anymore. But whoever's left makes attending to unscrupulous customers a little less of a hassle. Most of them customers aren't even worth as much as the clothes on their backs judging by the way they are. Its a common problem in Malaysian society. Staggering amounts of people who feel shop assistants of any sort are a rung below customers, or that because we serve therefore we are without ambition, direction or a future. Shame on you.

I know my colleagues will be missed.

6 days until I leave and BradJinn productions might be in the works again. I hope I've the capabilities to have 2 farewells, another day's work and one more night out.

Then I'll put my head to rest.

Jinny

Swab but swap

2009-01-16T18:23:00.003+08:00

"Love makes me stronger, hate makes me unstoppable."

First off, I apologize to those who still has no clue when I got back. I've delved straight back into my job and I've been overly occupied with some extra-curricular activities. At times I find myself lacking the time or patience for the computer.

The past week on an island was really refreshing. Like a much deserved break. Perfect for recharging and realigning principles in life. It made me realise how foggy yet bright the future is. Figuring this thin, feint, glimmer out with brad, what I plan to undertake does not necessarily guarantee a high-paying job or me masterminding something extraordinary. I'd dare take a step away from the stereotype. This prospect is quite self-consuming I must admit.

I'd open a reggae bar somewhere on a pristine beach and live out my life there if I must. I've been thinking actually about nomad-ing after obtaining a degree. After graduation, possibly with a business-partner, brad? We'll have a one-way ticket to any exotic location anywhere in the world, and take off. With the clothes on our backs and some extra undies in a knapsack. Rough it out and get a job and see what happens.

Oblivious to the fact that we might have just wasted precious education funds.

Thegirlfriend's coming home at noon tomorrow, and apparently she has more plans than I have.

My room's a mess because of the process of mass packing, I'm leaving on the 2nd of February. Less than 3 weeks or so. I'm not ready to leave home just yet.

Jinny

Existence without existing

2009-01-04T13:23:00.000+08:00

"Nothing stays the same."

I think I've adopted the new phrase as somewhat a philosophy for the new year. A personal outlook, no matter how general it sounds.

My only resolution for the new year is the exact same resolution I made to myself the year before, and the year before, and years and years before.

Make this year different from the last.

In relation to that, I thought I did pretty awfully well with 2008. Undoubtedly, that means I stuck to my resolutions with distinctions.

Its almost less than a period of a month before I'm leaving, and i've got to say this anticipation and hype is waning. Suddenly the prospect of leaving isn't so much so appealing. As much as I'm desperate to further my life on greener pastures by mere assumption. I dont think I'm ready just yet to bid farewell.

Oh, happy new year everyone. Especially to thegirlfriend, who's all the way over the arab side. With much love.

Jinn

Let die and live on

2008-12-24T03:21:00.003+08:00

There is no place like home.

Then why is it I feel like I left a big part of me back there in Abu Dhabi?

Staggeringly, 2 months seemed like 2 weeks. I cant think back of my time there and the things that I did, or experienced, however significant or minute without an increasing sense of peculiarity. Its startling how it ended so quickly, and how I came home and everything felt so familiar, like the dust had only just settled.

This isn't really a good time to write. While my body clock is desperately trying to adapt to jet-lag. I'm worried about passport renewal and Australian student visa, not to mention the compulsory medical check-ups, and the upcoming gush of public holidays.

Doesn't matter if its the 3rd time already, I miss thegirlfriend. Crazy much.

Boo?

Jinny

The rich wage war, its the poor who dies

2008-12-16T00:55:00.008+08:00

Hi, I'm back home already. No, not really. Back in Abu Dhabi.

The past week in Istanbul has been, well, mixed. On one hand I'm eternally grateful for the trip, expenses, extra pocket money that is almost more than enough. Not to mention my first time ever on the European continent. The location is beautiful, magnificent I would say.

But its been a hard struggle trying to cope with the difference in culture. I wouldn't say it to be very much different from situations that I have complained about before. But I tried very hard to put the glaring eyes and racial discrimination to a certain extent at the back of my head. Frankly, I'm a weakling for things like that. A little too supersensitive. The fact that most caucasians see us asians in a different light is demoralizing enough. Something I shan't complain anymore.

Leave that aside, most Turkish people in the hospitality business do surprise me with spontaneous warmth and welcoming. These are the people I really thoroughly enjoyed conversing most even though none of us speak the common language. Breaking small words and piecing them into hardly comprehensible sentences were their forte, but it was never an issue. The receptionist in which I spoke to every night about all things Turkish football, and the warm gestures of the restaurant host just at the end of our hotel street, always clutching a small glass of turkish tea. My friend Cem who works at nike in Taksim Square convincing the mercurial vapor boots purchase to me an his female Albanian co-worker who wants to go to Malaysia just to look for me, apparently out of sign language, thegirlfriend interpreted it as because I was handsome. Much to her distaste.

But according to thegirlfriend, Turkey is crawling with physically gifted men. Referring to the half-naked hairy men who Turkish bathed us, and the guy at one of many restaurants, and the policemen and everything else with two balls, or one.

Photos, I'll let photos tell the rest of the story later.

View from the upper balcony of the hotel in Sultanahmet, where we eat breakfast every morning.

Street along the side of the hotel. View from the room. Streets like these are awfully common around Istanbul.

This is the Haghia Sophia. One of the many sightseeing destinations within a short walking distance from our hotel.

Tram lines and cafes along the streets of Sultanahmet.

Istanbul is divided into 2 different sides. Both different continents. The European side is the one in which we stayed in, on the other side, separated by the Golden Horn, or Marmara Sea, is the Anatolian side, or better known as the Asian side. In which 99% of Turkey is situated in the Asian continent.

Dinner on the rooftop of one many cafes in Taksim Square. A insanely packed shopping district.

Thegirlfriend and I. Something she insisted. Hah.

Just us four after theparents and cassie left. Backpacking as we would like to call it. But undeservingly.

At the best shisha place in Istanbul. Water pipe or narghile as it is called in Turkey. Apparently a place where only the locals go to situated deep inside a small alleyway. So you can imagine the curious eyes on us 4 the whole time. Smoothest shisha so far though. So smooth, Manda finally graduated from shisha school and barfed later on for the whole hotel lobby to hear.

Earlier today thegirlfriend was scrolling through the videos on her old laptop with me beside and we came across our moral project video which we did last year. Its an interview with Alvin, a proud gay who was allegedly involved in a hit and run accident. Only to be discovered later on that he was actually drunk and tried to get his fat ass from the rear window into the front window of a speeding car and he fell out. But the catchline in our video struck a chord in me.

"Life is fragile."

It frighteningly is. Just over a week ago, I received news that someone I have grown quite close with working at Topman had passed away in an accident. For someone so young and so much future ahead, I was deeply saddened and disturbed by this. For that week I was away in Istanbul, inside of me, I refused to believe such an outcome for someone I was looking forward to meeting when I get home. I was living with my head in the clouds. Then today, another colleague, and also his cousin, sent another message, more of an assurance that he has already passed on. Recalling he once said to me, hoping I wouldn't take long here in Abu Dhabi because when I get back I might not see him anymore. In that context he meant he would've found another job somewhere, maybe not realising that life has other plans.

A drink for you my friend, when I get back, and a tattoo with your name on it, outlining my ankh. The symbol of life. To signify your continuance in these days even though you're not around anymore. You'll be sorely missed.

Jinny

Istanbul, Türkiye

2008-12-10T19:38:00.003+08:00

Hi, I'm typing with a turkish keyboard, so before I piss myself off..

Its cold here in Istanbul, and even colder when it rains. Somehow I'm not enjoying myself very much because I cant seem to shake off the culture shock. Its a terrible terrible, miserable feeling.

However, I am extending my stay in Abu Dhabi for a couple days to a week more otherwise it will be a little too hectic when I get back from here.

I know I shouldnt feel this way, but I really want to go back to Abu Dhabi.

Jinny

Gotta love the turkey!

2008-12-05T15:26:00.002+08:00

I'm writing this over breakfast on a beautiful breezy morning in Abu Dhabi. The epitome of this beautiful morning is the magnificent weather, bright sun rays but still chilly. Spanish jazz is playing on the home stereos and the dogs and cats are just lazing about.

And I still have yet to finish packing. We're leaving for Dubai airport at 2 which leaves me ample time to settle phone credits, ipod updates and a short round of Call of Duty.

And for the next 8 days, I'll be sort of MIA because I cant be too sure if the hotels around Istanbul has any computers let alone internet connection. Yep, I'm going to Istanbul, Turkey!

We're going there today for a holiday for about 4 days, while thegirlfriend's parents are with us. They're leaving on the 9th, so after that, we're on our own to backpack around until the 13th.

Okay then. Bye, see you!

Jinny

Video 1

2008-12-01T03:53:00.001+08:00

The Dubai Desert Safari video. Another one soon.

Those who do not remember the past, are condemned to repeat it

2008-12-01T02:51:00.003+08:00

The girlfriend's showing off her new laptop she just proudly bought with her very own savings. Which also works to my advantage because I just started hogging the internet bandwith with game downloads.

My spending has significantly decreased in a sort of staggering way. I'm now being urged to purchase some pyjama pants to reward myself for some notable of good money saving behavior.

I reckon it something positive. Because come sunday, I'm most most probably heading over to Istanbul, Turkey for a week long backpacking trip!

Gotta love the Turkey! :)

Jinny

Go top up your love

2008-11-23T19:24:00.002+08:00

Singapore expats paddle their own canoe

My first time significantly appearing in the papers. Okay fine, its just a name, age, "the youngest in the team" and a simple 'intention comparison'(?).

Ahoy, so i just spent a whole weekend in Dubai. Just so you know, the week ends on a thursday, so the weekend spans out to the duration of a friday and saturday.

The dogs are really getting along with the cats, although sometimes it really ticks me off to see the stupid haggard baby the shih-tzu picking sides where it favours him most. His allegiance to the cats is apparent when they embark on an irritating goldie the retriever frenzy when she's outside and they know they're protected by half an inch of reinforced glass. And then bark in unison with goldie at the cats when the situation arises in which the cats are inferior. Also knowing that he once murdered a star tortoise out of jealousy fuels my annoyance a mile longer.

Spoilt he-bitch.

I finally went for the Dubai desert safari yesterday! Right now i'm uploading a few videos of us slipping and sliding around the sand dunes(i just accidentally blurted out the word "treats" and the first thing i saw was the stupid haggard baby trotting over by the door and started staring at me with THAT face, greedy, spoilt he-bitch)of Dubai. I'll probably post it up later because youtube is taking a very long time.

I was just trying to recall the other night, of all the things that i've bought here. Its quite staggering yet amazing how i bought so many things and yet i've still got a quite hefty amount left. Alright, i bought a football on my first day here which is quite used up and soft already now that i'm looking at it, new perfume, futsal shoes, ipod, okay, i got an ipod from thegirlfriend as a present so it doesn't count. Few plain t-shirts and a shirt, a new watch, new sunnies, new ipod speakers, a pricy body compression suit called skins, and a few other petty things. Somehow, i can safely assume that my buys are more of what i need that what i want because i use almost everything i buy at any given time everyday while i'm here.

Nope, no souvenirs so far.

I'm so bored of the malls here. Basically its because i already have everything i need. I've seldom had the feeling of walking around not having anything to buy in particular. Which i find quite good in a way because i need to start saving.

I'm probably going to Morocco, if there are tickets, for about a week early next month. Unless there aren't, then maybe Cairo. Or Spain?

Jinny

And the dragon falters

2008-11-15T22:57:00.008+08:00

They say tattoos are meant for certain identification for your peers to recognize you beyond any reasonable doubt when you are tattered and your time is up.

Taken when i did it almost 1/half months back. Pardon the pit bush. :)

And so it ends, the dark horse run. Amidst a substantial amount of controversy. Its a rather incomprehensible feeling of disappointment losing out because of an organizing error. Capitala Dragons, has earned many plaudits for earning a spot in the finals. Despite only coming together 2 weeks prior to the competition and a combined total of 4 hours of training. Beating a respectable number of 29 teams to deservedly earn a place in the finals.

And to lose out to a false start. Maybe not really a false start, see a dragon boat race, by rules or rather sportsmanship should only start when every boat is in an orderly line at the start before any starter should have the green light to flag off.

To shorten this extra long story of reasoning and blame, in a 6 boat final, our boat was initially in starting position before it slowly began to deviate from its original position and turn sideways. To be precise, our boat was in a perpendicular position while every other was in parallel. Our coxswain, a steerer of the boat provided by the organizers, supposedly a professional dragon boater was probably the only one to blame. See, a coxswain is probably the most important person on the boat to control and steer a boat in the right direction. Its not easy, controlling a dragon boat with 20 people inside. Its even harder/stupider to control a dragon boat with 20 people inside while sitting down. Frankly, his actions suggested that he wasn't really sure of what he's doing.

Due to him sitting and not making himself visible, the starter assumed everyone was in position and flagged off. Leaving us stranded and confused, frantically protesting with only sideways to go. The same thing happened during the semi-finals in which another team was not ready when they started the race. But the officials pulled everyone back and restarted. I ts a sick-to-the-stomach feeling really. Making it thus far and without being given a fighting chance for some well-deserved, possible glory and its over.

Some of our team members were protesting to the officials furiously only to be brushed aside, citing "these things happen" and aptly blaming strong winds. By this, of course igniting more tension, fighting fire with fire. Its unfortunate really, judging by the scale of the competition and the professionalism involved, there should've been some action taken from the start. But what can i say? Getting to the finals was already more than we asked for.

Despite all that, I was asked to do a phone interview for the national press . Haha. For being the youngest in the team and possibly the whole competition(because teams were either corporate based or professional dragon boat racers). And also a team interview article on our run to the finals. So it might be published in the papers sometime soon.

As for now, i scoured the internet and only found this one article so far. Published a week before the festival.

CapitalaSpirit Rides The Waves

With a small team photo which doesn't enable you to zoom. But if you count the heads from the left, i might be the 6th one. The small speck with sunnies.

Oh, it finally rained here this morning. It only does about twice a year here, and the papers reported it like it was something huge. 25 road accidents this morning due to rain. Imagine that. This place is awesome.

That also means that winter is here. The climate change is drastic, just over 2 days ago it was still quite warm and yesterday morning, it all shifted to a different temperature. Now all the sliding doors are left open and it feels like the room is air-conditioned. I even put 2 foldable chairs on my balcony already. For the winter. :)

Some pictures of us before our first heat. More when I get more.

Jinny

Burn to ash the ash to burn

2008-11-11T17:58:00.011+08:00

I like celebrating my birthday here. As much as it is over back home, I'd still have 4 hours more.

Happy birthday to me anyway.

My dragon boat race is in 3 days and this jittery feeling is suddenly feeling all too familiar. The reason why i'm nervous is over the prospect of physical suffering that i had already experienced during training. This is a big event, no, its a huge mega-super-monolithic event. Its on every spread of newspaper, advertisements on every channel. (Adrenaline Sports Live 2008 Abu Dhabi)

Capitala, our multi-million dollar corporate sponsor for the dragon boat team. In which we were given a cap and an extra-large-only t-shirt to do publicity shots.

Not just a mere friendly race after all. In the build-up leading to that day, the seriousness of it is suddenly immense. The ongoing rumour of us possibly ranking amongst the top 5, Team Singapore Dragons, is undoubtedly doing more harm than good. Even the more reason why Murphy's Law would state that we'd fuck up.

Oh, i have a hookah. Not hooker. A hookah. We all have a misconception about the device we use to shisha with. Some call it the shisha tube, the bong, the shisha pot, every other junkie name known to existence. But it is in fact, called a hookah. The concept of inhaling smoke from a hookah is better known to us as shisha, or rather the tobacco used is also known by the same name.

Today, i bought a hookah for 119 AED from our favourite hypermarket carrefour. With a box of al-fakher apple tobacco, 100 plastic mouthpieces, quick-burning charcoal and a cleaning device all at the same time. After briefly educating myself on the fundamentals of a hookah and how to prepare shisha on the net last night, I'm ready for one trial run later.

I'm going to dubai tomorrow again for some retail therapy. At least thegirlfriend's mother needs some i think. Maybe the girlfriend too. Ah, how can it not be? Dubai is really just an hour away from where I am, aptly speaking, the distance would cost you 200 AED by taxi. Having experienced that, sharing a cab with an american and australian architect who talks buildings buildings and then more.

It is a very very nice place I have to admit. A very very nice perfect place minus the emiratis and their arabian counterparts. The whole place, seen from certain sociological and architectural angles is stunningly complexed and fascinating. Capable of making Abu Dhabi, despite being the capital look inferior, Singapore, like a marshland, and dear Malaysia, a quagmire. Dubai might just be the inspiration for the term 'megastructures'.

The Atlantis Hotel, a fascination on the Palm Jumeirah.

Even Dubai has the largest garoupa in its underwater world, The Lost City of Atlantis. Better known for being the fried thai sauce fish.

The land is cramped with high-rised buildings, and every high-rise building has their very own distinct design from the ground floor to the pinnacle. No, i'm not exaggerating when i say every building. The biggest, the tallest, the largest, the fastest, the people who develops the city are thrown into a pool of pressure having to fulfill these obligations. And the outcome, though I may not know more than an architect, or an engineer, but to the lay-man's eyes, is a marvel.

The Palm Jumeirah, The Palm Jebel Ali, Atlantis Hotel, Aquaventure, The Burj-Al-Arab, Mall of Emirates, Ibn Battutta Mall(The biggest mall in the world, think 4 Mid Valley Megamalls), The World Island, what the hell, The Bloody World Islands. A man-made island made into the shape of all the continents of mother earth. Mainly prime estates, Malaysia is a bungalow and Singapore is the owner's dog's kennel.

Ha *exhales*, I need to catch my breath.

Bloody arab kids on a school trip to the ice rink. Thegirlfriend couldn't be more right when she said that this generation of arabs are better off learning about discipline first, real education should only be implied to the next generation.

Me, thegirlfriend and thegirlfriend's sister manda and baby the handsome princess in distress.

Kids around our neighbourhood at Al Raha Gardens trick-or-treating during halloween. Not recieving any candy before i made them scream "trick-or-treat" with their scariest faces.

*Edit* The shisha went well. Now going to burn more charcoal on the stove and prepare for round 2.

Jinn

Havin a laugh yea?

2008-11-06T23:41:00.003+08:00

Having just read kennysia.com, I feel like it is also my duty as a patriotic and proud Malaysian to play my part and spread this website in my capabilities.

http://cheongsamlover.wordpress.com

This is just the right material that solidifies my impression of an open-minded, technologically advanced and fast-growing Malaysia that many of us were born and live in. And that we're absolutely right when we say we're underestimated in the eyes of foreigners. Oh, how we complain why we're still 3rd-world when we know truthfully that we're far from that.

In addition to that, now we, the minorities, are all so very excited and overcomed with joy at the recent comments of our dear prime minister who has convincingly announced that anyone of us can be a prime minister! Yay!

I'm estatic! No really, I am.

Jinn

Rain, rain, dont go away, sun can come back another day

2008-11-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

Ah, i bloody miss rain here.

Coming from an alleged "democratic" country known for its erratic weather and monsoon rains, and the proud title of being Malaysia, the all-equal, glorious nation. Also known as, the Penis of Asia. Of course not without the penis' uptight tip called Singapore.

What i'm really trying to say is that coming from the Penis of Asia, i'm still qute foreign to the feeling of the absence of rain.

To rain here is like national day. People line the streets, royals come forth and out from their palaces, labourers and government workers in a pandemonium. Because there is no such thing as drainage here. When it does rain, all hell breaks loose.

Whatever.

Anyway, i've got a new early present. The new ipod nano from thegirlfriend!

Yay!

Jinn

Respond, please

2008-11-03T18:11:00.002+08:00

So many things can happen in 2 weeks. Well, so far i've been to dubai at least a number of times to have its roads downloaded into my mind. That would mean the roads of Abu Dhabi is branded into my brain. Tell you what, I miss driving. Having an illegitimate liscense isn't the best feeling in the world. Especially when you have to depend on the convenience of others to get you to where you wanna be.

By far the best fun i've had is at the aquaventure in dubai. Water park of some proportion. Besides that, I just started a training session last friday at nearby shangrila hotel's stretch of crystal blue canal for a DRAGON BOAT race on the 15th of this month. Haha. Guess which country i'm representing?

Singapore. Nuff said. Heh.

No, i'm not earning money just yet. But at least i'm also getting a dose of futsal once in awhile. I went to Dubai last thursday for futsal, representing Woods Bagot, an australian architectural firm. Abu Dhabi branch vesus the Dubai branch. Apparently, the AD branch employees, despite being the underdogs, would hastily skin their Dubai counterpart's balls with a potato peeler at an instant. Due to some overspilling man-egos on and off the court. We managed to lose 3-0 with our prides intact.

Yesterday, boo and i went for lunch at an italian cafe down in abu dhabi mall. Having stated before of the metamorphical attitudes of asians adapting to foreign culture, we were served by ultimately arrogant waiters and waitresses(eg: fillipinos) mainly(allegedly) due to our asian outlook. Things like that happen here all the time, when you have an influx of 80% mainly caucasian tourist and labourers here, those of asian descent are instantly demoted to 2nd class citizens. Regardless of status financial or non. The concept of tackling arrogance with arrogance has to be utilised sometimes no matter how unfashionble it seems.

There are some instances when we do come across courteous and friendly waiters but the frequency of those that aren't is absurd. So, we fill up every respond card that every restaurant puts on its tables. Even if its chucked away without even being read, we just do it for the satisfaction.

Even if its read, certain measures might be necessary to ensure the message is through. Like what boo wrote on the respond card, condemning the unfriendliness and politeness of its staff, aptly ticking the box of poor in the friendliness section and signing off as Grace Park, nationality: Canadian. Because nobody takes the asians from asia seriously enough.

I'm currently reading a biography of Heinrich Himmler and his brothers. Titled The Himmler Brothers. Written by the granddaughter of the youngest Himmler brother, Ernst. Heinrich Himmler is known as the 'greatest murderer of the 20th century' for masterminding the extermination of millions of jews during the holocaust. And 2nd in command to Adolf Hitler during the nazi regime.

A good book for world war 2 enthusiasts or followers of the nazi faction.

I hope things are fine back home or back anywhere for that matter.

Jinn

Know you, no pain. No you, know pain

2008-10-22T20:03:00.006+08:00

Abu Dhabi, the land where your cigarettes burn brighter.

I think i'm gradually settling into the culture quite well. After 1 week, and the prospect of spending the next 7 weeks here, I think maybe i'm progressing through this adapting phase quite well. I do miss home though, well, actually i miss my staple diet of fried seehams and wanton noodles the most. And the loklok truck.

Its really hard to find good cheap food here by the way. Rephrase that, you cant find good cheap food here. I went to shisha last night and just to have 2 shishas, a glass of juice, a can of pepsi and a morroccan tea set would set you back at 145 dhm, equivalent to RM 145. Including a gratituity fee of 16% or 20 dhm, in other words, service tax. Really, your conventional fries from kfc would cost you at least 20 dhm, just the fries alone. Dim sum in Dubai was almost 300 dhm and i could go on and on about this food price thing.

I visited the grand mosque the other day. A monolith of a structure sitting in between a web of highways. Wholly made of white marble, it holds 3 world records for the biggest dome, largest chandelier, and largest carpet. For me, i've never been too fond about Islamic architecture, so i couldn't really catch the beauty concept of its interior, the exterior is captivating, but the flowery motives on the walls inside, and not to mention the world's largest chandelier looks like the world's largest infected penis. Coated in gold and weighs 9 tons. One hell of a dick.

Oh i just remembered, back to the food topic, lunch yesterday at the noodle house cost 175 dhm for 2 small bowls of tom yum and curry laksa no larger than a little plastic rice bowl, and a large (hardly large) laksa.

Went to the skating rink today and had the biggest culture shock so far. Emirati school kids. They are bastards i tell you. Uncivilised bastards. They yell and spit everywhere, they bring plastic chairs onto the rink and slide them around like wheelchairs, they fling rubbish i every direction. The only cool thing to this, is that even 10 year old kids on a school trip can bring their pipes and their little stash of tobacco, light up and be the bastards they are. Seriously, they all have their own pipes. While we're still smoking cigarettes and shisha and having paranoia and trust issues. I mean, come on.

Malaysia's best export here, is Super Ring.

I think i'm putting on the pounds here. The last time i weighed i was 78kg when i weighed my luggage before i left. So happy because i lost 5 kgs in my 2 months of working at topman. Okay, i'm going to jog and play some balls.

Jinny

Dubai, UAE hello

2008-10-19T18:34:00.003+08:00

Dubai is a shopper's mecca.

If you are oblivious to the little tinges of favouritism amongst the races. As an asian asian, you're at the bottom. Without a doubt. The philipinos are supposed to be there with you, but maybe over-time they've cultivated the arab mentality to be the more superior of all the inferiors. The arabs, are well, basicly they think they're at the top of everything, arrogant and fat and all that shit. But the truth is, its like a george bush administration here. But then again, isn't it the same adminisration everywhere else in our asiatic world?

The caucasians are THE MOST superior of us all. We bow to their every need, we're afraid of incuring their wrath, we force a non-existant slang towards them, we always smile an extra smile while serving them as customers.

We make ourselves look small beside them.

But anyway, like i said, Dubai is a fantastic place. The mall of emirates is as big as 3 mid valleys back home while its still not the biggest mall yet. I saw the Burj-al-Arab too.

Pictures soon, while my phone refuses to connect to the laptop now.

Its boring being alone here. Everyone's out and the pool looks inviting. Bye guys.

Jinny

Hold it,i stumbled upon this on wikipedia. Haha. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Girl%27s_Pussy

Download it, try singing to it. It'll be fun. :)

Abu Dhabi, UAE hello

2008-10-16T20:30:00.010+08:00

Hi, its dark and 8.30 back home while the mosquitoes are flying about trying to sneak into rooms and its sunny and rather dry here at 4.30. But we have mosquitoes here too.

The flight was rather turbulent from the beginning but what was more turbulent mid-flight were stupid toddlers. Thank god the earphones where noise-cancelling. Still, i didnt get any sleep because the in-flight entertainment was kickass. Minus the 1 minute long arabic advertisements at the start of every program you watch, plus my audio player had an error.

Its quite foggy in the mornings and night due to the temperature changes (which signals that winter is coming!), and the air is dry yet dense, thus harder to inhale. Oh, and the sun seems like its 12983213414483km nearer to the earth surface.

I also acquired some first hand experiences of the so-called "welcoming travellers with open arms" culture. The money-changers are arrogant, the phillipino workers at the mall think they're more superior than asians from asia, and the arabs are the more obnoxious, lazy and rude than all the obnoxious, lazy, and rude people you can think of. Everybody owns a porsche here, and a mercedes/bmw/toyota is like your conventional myvi back home. Maybe cheaper. Nonetheless, petrol and piss-smelling arabic perfume seems to be the best-sellers here.

Maybe piss-smelling arabic perfume IS petrol.

The girlfriend's family house is probably the most beautiful house i've ever slept in. Very mediterranean, high walls, circular architectural design with an open garden in he center of the house, big yard and an elongated pool. My room comes with a huge balcony and a nice cozy queen sized bed. The only things i really need.

However the outskirts where i am now does look like an iraqi post-war zone. The barren land seems neverending. And the highways are straighter and longer than.. okay, shouldn't think out loud.

Okay, am watching Big Stan on dvd now and i'm going to miss the sunset.

Laters guys. :)

Jinny

Don't be so grouchy

2008-10-09T01:08:00.003+08:00

I got Rainn Wilson's The Rocker and i'm wondering why Teddy Geiger finally decides to do movies.

By the way, i'm getting another tattoo at least before i leave on wednesday. To be done once i find out what year my maiden grandmother was born in. I want to do her name in hebrew but no one's capable enough to translate.

Yea, so i'm leaving this wednesday if i hadn't mentioned it. It been almost a month now since i last saw thegirlfriend. Only to compensate with the next 2 months of seeing her face everywhere i will be. Haha. Its a good thing. Right?

Sisters went back to S'pore the other day not without leaving me a note that says "Don't be so grouchy". Maybe i have been all these while. Well, if someone writes it down, it would be confirming it right? So maybe I have been all these while.

And albeit inspiring chikhan to revert back to the pariah hippie style with my hair. I have gotten rid of the mane in exchange for a nice clean cut. And then brad came into to topman today and started calling me Petey Wentz.

I couldn't say i'm not flattered. Somehow.

Jinny

A new school of thought, right

2008-09-24T01:30:00.002+08:00

Okay, so nothing much changed really. As much as we're all relishing for a change from our current situation.

The faggot Ahmad Ismail is still probably sitting around his favourite mamak while the few people who were detained for speaking the truth are still detained. Despite calls for a review, the ISA still leaves our glorious nation of Malaysia's face with nowhere to hide.

CERTAIN groups/genre/cluster/herd of people still never stops trying to flick from every other shop they set foot into. I mean if the country is so stable, why do we have to strain ourselves trying to see if anyone puts anything that hasn't been paid for into their bags at every minute of everyday? At topman, you'll see this in example everyday.

And i have not started my shifts at camp 5 because no one trains me. So basicly, i do things that other people get paid for without being paid. I'm not whining, but at the rate i'm going and the date i'm leaving, i think maybe i'm better off earning more money doing my time at topman rather than camp 5.

Oh well, training is training. Who doesn't need it?

I'm rather thankful to be in an early group to leave the country before things start to get chaotic. Before a state of emergency ensues.

Sigh, who are we to say, we immigrants mah.

Jinny

Hello fuckingbetterwatchmydamnmouth free world

2008-09-13T02:01:00.003+08:00

Maybe its time to pack up because we're merely just immigrants. Squatters if it floats your boat. How do expect to develop a progressing nation when prominent leaders act like neanderthals when it comes to racial sensitivity. Citing a frenzy, ripping pictures off the walls and tearing them up boldly in front of the flashes of the press cameras. Stop it, it makes you look, cheap. Like you're a great bunch of... cockles.

Yum. :)

Jinny

Jesus left the building, i swear

2008-09-11T00:12:00.002+08:00

The only reason we are still alive is because we're rebellious towards death.

The harrowing thing about my days is the part in which i'm still waiting. Even more during weekends or public holidays. Fuck the public holidays apart from the triple salaries. During non-office hours, i often find myself spinning back into stagnation. This happens to people who are waiting for their offer letters and psp skype earphones to arrive.

I got myself a tempuro-mandibular joint dysfunction. All these health hazards i have i tell you.

Have you guys seen the samsung omnia? Its fucking awesome.

Jinny

Comeback version 7 point oh

2008-09-09T00:41:00.003+08:00

I dont know how many times do i have to stage a comeback to really make a comeback.

I think i'm just too occupied lately. I do open my blog, from time to time. To see liang zhi's face greeting me and the constant kid tech guru tag on my tagbox just waiting and waiting to be pushed one rung down by a new tag. I have also been contemplating about a new title and a new template and i think i'm really open to suggestions despite the fact that i sometimes love to produce seemingly meaningless yet substantial titles of my own.

I guess its the work stress now that my skin's conditions are worsening. Another breakout isn't doing very well for my self-consciousness. Anyway, its been nice earning a few pennies of my own, at least when i spend i dont feel so much of the financial aspect weighing down on me. Okay, bad, i shouldn't even be spending. In fact, i spend less nowadays, i dont swipe the card as much as i do anymore. Except the pair of tailored pants from where i work today(topman), and a new 2000 ringgit phone and another 80 to configure its gps system which still isn't quite working.

Okay, i'm supposedly paying for the phone in a 10 month installment scheme. In which the RM160 a month should be minus-ed from allowances. The parents know already, but i'm still getting my money in full so far, so oh wells...

Okays anyways, I'M GOING TO MELBOURNE!! :)

I've bought my ticket to fly on the 2nd of February. I've already got an offer from LaTrobe for my business course but i'm still waiting fervently if not impatiently for my Victoria U offer. Should be here by hmmm... last week.

I'm also going off to Abu Dhabi to stay with the girlfriend's on the 15th of next month to hopefully, against all odds, obtain a job so i can have my salary in USD and come back here and times 3.3. But realistically, no company would pay 8000 dirhams to make a working visa for a college-completion-cert-holder to work 2 months. No matter how much cock i can talk to sell something. Really, ask johann about his skinny jeans. And he's happy because he loves it. And i'm sure he wants to thank me, in some extravagant way. Heh.

And as though topman wasn't enough, i got hired by camp 5. And i should be starting later today. I hope this is my cherry on the icing(?)(o.o), icing on the cake(?) to getting hired at rock climbing gyms or anywhere else for that matter in Australia. And hopefully, greeeaat time$!

Sigh. Money money money, its so funny in a rich man's world.

I also find myself using my bb gun quite alot recently. Cars, tyres, gate-lamps, the opposite house's glass doors, windows, air-cond generators, my astro satellite dish, maybe the postman's helmet one of these days. Anything i can aim at from my window. Its astonishing how many pellets i can use in 5 minutes. Okay, the bb gun's on my table......

I dont know what else to say for that sentence.

My topman colleagues dont seem too pleased that i'm leaving very soon. Mainly, probably because i've always been a mediator in an ongoing co-working conflict which seems to never end. Even when one half fell off a ladder yesterday. Literally. Sigh, so many 'office' politics that we cant speak out in the open. I dont want to shoot the ISA peoples at my gate.

Its silly, but i'm waiting for a call from AusEd about my Victoria U offer or from Play-Asia.com/Poslaju about my psp skype earphones at 1.22 in the morning. One more thing bought with the card. Omg when the bank statement comes i'm fucked.

I'm in full support of my sister wanting to buy a jack russell terrier. Mainly because i went through oscar's old photos and i never really got over him. Okay i dont see why i want a new dog when i'm not over my old one. Anyway, i still wonder if he's alive. Like trotting around, and barking, and still having that nose infection. Or whether he's less retarded after being a father. Sometimes jo would make jokes about herself kidnapping oscar, or him looking for food around lorong haji taib. Which would sometimes make me think of him more. Okay i just said that. I am not so sentimental about it. But i do miss him. Stop it jinn.

I dont know, i've been real busy lately without much time for my own. But its nice to know that some friends still do want to catch up and hang out like the great old times. Brad and fei, when my schedule opens up, we'd be chillin aiight.

Do you guys who use deodorant get a white stain on your dark-coloured shirts at the armpits? Its irritating.

I'm still alive anyway, and although i do encounter some ass-splitting customers in where i work, Insyallah i'm doing fine. Thank you for asking. If you ever did. :) Heheh.

To my malay friends and colleagues, selamat berbuka puasa, remember no cheating.

Jinny

Somethings best said

2008-08-07T04:14:00.005+08:00

Jinny

Tunebutts

2008-07-16T00:20:00.005+08:00

So there's a fine line between hot and attractive. So what.

I've been back a week now. Much to the surprise of some as it seems. The plane ride was as much turbulent as i felt leaving Melbourne. Such an easy place to embrace. And so i'm back to sweating while sleeping and being cranky.

Hard to say i'm nonchalant about the growing fact that life after college isn't running as planned. I'm almost undoubtly tied down here to at least a few more years while everyone around is jetsetting to greener pastures. Although, of course, put me on the next flight out if you may. Part-time jobs aren't looking very promising although i admit, i've been picky about the choices of work conditions. Somehow i've only garnered two applications at two different fields of moneymaking.

It seems to be futile attempts though. Or i'm growing impatient.

I've been obsessed with Dexter lately. Haven't felt this obsessed since the Lost days. And last night I got so disturbed because 5 minutes left into the last episode and the dvd hanged. Fucking pandemonium. But awesome series nonetheless.

And i've rewarded my patience and persistence with a psp. I almost made a purchase of a second hand one in melbourne and i made a 2nd trip back to the shop to buy but it closed. And with much persuasion from the girlfriend, i got mine back here brand new and at a better price.

And before leaving melbourne, i bought an absolut peach for everyone back home who has to invite me to a party if they want it. Heh.

I just need the call to be hired.

I couldn't upload videos but i've got some pictures from the trip.

Oh and i bought an almighty australian Penthouse magazine. I'm not sharing that one.

Jinny

My jelly belly

2008-07-02T10:13:00.002+08:00

Those with the blog trackers, if you see someone arriving on your blog from melbourne victoria, thats probably just me.

Apparently some of you got highed so badly from your alcohol sessions that i recieved some crank ass message at about 6 am here 2 nights ago. No names mentioned. Know your alcohol tolerance limits lah people.

Well, just got back from Mornington yesterday, the weather there is that fucking extreme. Because its a town by the sea, the wind could probably uproot a tree. The sort that when you lean back in the wind, you'd still wont fall. Its that strong.

Phillip Island weather was also quite a bitch. Drizzles coupled with blizzard like winds. But the view of the cliffs and volcanic rock probably made up for it. The awesome part was when the clouds parted for a moment and the sunlight was let through as it shone into the sea. The beam was really apparent.

I'm having dificulties uploading videos and pictures into this laptop so its really a shame that i cant provide visual images.

Although, i'm glad to be back in the city again. Sushi rolls, and max brenner's belgium waffles, and great italian food on lygon street. I could live on those if i continue my life here. To tell you the truth, i do want to continue a life here. Its probably the only one of the foreign places that i've been that i learned to adapt so well and blend in. I cerainly see myself walking the streets here.

Been buying alot of jelly beans from the candy shop too.

Jinn

Melbourne shuffling

2008-06-28T21:23:00.003+08:00

Fucking cold.

Hello there people back home. It is I, having a headache and i cant feel my toes. And i have to eat to keep myself warm. Its colder than you can imagine here in Melbourne because i'm sure you're sweating under your pyjamas now. Heh.

This place is a little more awesome than i expected. Unlike Singapore, I see homeless unshaven people everywhere. Even better that they're smelly and they have syringes clenched tightly in their fists as they gallavant through the streets. Not only that, i just ran into a bunch of obnoxious black kids making hell of a ruckus in the tram. Oh and you can carry a rucksack with wires potruding out. It doesn't really matter here.

Despite all that shit, I see myself here. Or at the least i think i do. The asians are crawling and infesting this area. The caucasians are merely just tourists. Maybe its not to such an extent but the scenario is pretty much like that. It helps tremendously with the culture shock that i was anticipating.

Oh the weather's been great so far. But i think i'll be damning it very very soon.

The girlfriend and i and a whole 6 others will be driving down to Mornington tomorrow. Its a 3 day spa trip. Then proceed to Phillips island apparently to see the famous pint sized penguins. And word is that the temperature there is probably a few degrees lower than it is now. I could be typing this with 3 layers on now if i were on the balcony. Which means I'd probably need to go about in a sleeping bag there.

And we sleep with a heater here. Heaters everywhere. In the bathroom too. Just huge halogen lights emitting feasible amount of heat.

Other than that, i've been surviving on sushi rolls, and waffles a.nd plenty, plenty of chocolates. Chocolate mamak, because the only mamaks here are chocolate cafes. Which explains my cough and sore throat.

Ok. My fingers are stiffening soon. Have fun back home.

Jinny

Kaloodooleepoo

2008-06-23T23:53:00.003+08:00

What can one say about Singapore? I think 4 days spent there could be sufficient to solidify the fact that its citizens are probably the most paranoid. Even the Iraqis do not stare at your luggage bag with such suspiscion.

But then again the Iraqis do not have a standby army patiently anticipating an attack from Malaysia. While us Malaysians are busy fretting over the ludicrous increase in everything prices.

I'm back for a one day break before i (hopefully) fly off to Australia tomorrow. Hopefully because i've not bloody applied for a visa yet. I'm putting my hopes on someone who's pulling the strings tomorrow to sort out the visa and its damn suspenseful.

Fucking suspenseful laa cibai.

Nothing else to write today. Because my saliva keeps tasting like last night's fried oyster.

Jinny

I fucking fucking need it

2008-06-18T00:20:00.002+08:00

"Our real future lies in the dirt and soil we walk on."

I've reached that interval in time in which i NEED a fresh new start. Just a few more trips for what's past and moulding to ponder and prepare for a new life, lifestyle.

New routines, new balance, new turn, new confidence, new respect, new people.

Because my self-esteem is dwindling and i'm being eaten away.

I should be going to Singapore on either friday or saturday before i fly off to Melbourne with the girlfriend for a recuperation period. Just to do a little more thorough thinking and planning the next step. And when i get back, i'm leaving everything as it is and i'm moving on from this.

My next chapter is not about repairing bonds. Its about getting myself employed. Getting myself useful for the right reasons. Finding a new clique, because existing ones seldom seem to stand on their side of the scale.

Here's to finding myself.

Oh, by the way, if you need something that i could and might provide despite whatever shit, you ask me yourself.

Jinny

You used to get it in your fishnets

2008-05-23T01:36:00.002+08:00

"That Bloody Mary's lacking her Tabasco."

Its quite fitting really. Today we have all seen the crowning of 2 champions from arguably 2 of the most powerful continents.

But red is the colour that captivates us most. Or rather just me with at least a few million others.

Glory glory Man United. Not Man Untied. And that David Cook of course. Although i still think he belongs more in the rockstar search programme.

But its crazy really how a primetime television competition manages to garner a world record 92 million votes. Its spastic. Crazy.

Its like 3 Malaysias voting for 2 men. Theres more than enough controversy already with one Malaysia voting for a few old men.

So, i'm sleep deprived once again. At least for today because i was 'part of the champions league final'. And i had biology 4 today, so i'm feeling like a hobo right now. I also feel like i'm really taking advantage of this '2 principal passes' thing for my tertiary education entry. Which i really need to reconsider my priorities right now.

Although, i'm feeling rather good about myself. The carb intake has decreased drastically in the past weeks due to the emergence of mr. muffin top. The self-conscious alleles taking full effect. While gym intensities are increasing. Because i'm embaressed to say, i weigh 84 kilogrammes, and i could always say its muscle mass and bone structure, and then i'm 1.70, and my BMI says i'm overweight, and i cant fit into nice pants anymore, and my belt buckles at the 2nd hole now, and i look like i'm able to feed the children of Darfur with my tummy alone so yeah.

Cholesterol? What cholesterol?

I'm as healthy as a horse.

Ignorance IS bliss. :)

Jinny

Speak, speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces

2008-05-03T14:36:00.004+08:00

I miss myself here.

Myself without the figurative writing. That deep, confusing shit. Not this time. Its about time i lay some things about me on this table between us.

Without the facade i put on everyday, i'm short on morale. Its dwindling low despite the sometimes confident outlook i potray. I take the slightest of accomplishments and dwell majestically on it because i can boast of no other. Comes to show it has always been me. I've been stagnant on self-improvement.

I'm tired. Thats what it is. Tired of hoping for a better change. This person i'm talking about is practically an anti-social. I dont talk when i feel that i dont need to.

And i dont want to talk about my education right now.

To the thought of it, I haven't really said much apart from a few postloads of trash recently. Right up till this point is the longest i've written since i dont know.

Firstly, a happy anniversary to me and her.

And secondly, in relation to me and her, there was this shit on a scale so big it got my own family talking about it that i've not said shit yet.

I know its been centuries since but every single comprehensible word on xuerou's one post hasn't really escaped my mind. To be truthful, i still think about it every now and then. I remember myself breaking down, pleading for it to be removed. I'm amazed how much psychological effect such a post can bring, how much of an impression it imprints into you. A year on, and its still like a fresh wound, inflicted by a mere misunderstanding.

To classify it as an all-out personal attack would be harsh, because i'll be fair to say that it was written under the defense of another person which i have already resolved my differences with before it was being written. So this few sentences of me has no swipe or direction to anyone whatsoever, nor am i defending anyone or myself. I'm just coming out with how i still feel even though this has long slipped everyone's minds already.

Its hard. Living out life after someone has casted such an impression on me, her and us. Its not easy going about without knowing whether anyone has read whatever's been said about me, or us. Okay, lets just put this on me okay. Me alone. How i feel.

I'm disturbed. At times i'm paranoid. To the brink of being delirious thinking about why would someone do something like that to me. I pleaded, pleaded with all my heart to no avail. It has brought me the troubles and woes that the particular post was designed to bring. I dont know if anyone would ever feel the sense of achievement by this.

The achievement to maim and injure a person. Let alone a friend.

This one's for you, to make things clear, I'm under no obligation to not help you out when you need me, transport or whatsoever, but thats to the extent that i'll go. I dont mind at all but must you know i'm not someone whom you can count on anymore. And as someone who mattered, let me just say. Please dont do the same thing to the people who you have now, because as much as they take your whinings and demands, they've always cared for you. Nonetheless.

I sincerely hope this doesnt start a blog war under misunderstandings. My intentions are peaceful.

Me, without the fancy deep, confusing shit. Laying it all out on the table between all of us.

Here's to one year boo.

Jinny

This could change some views

2008-04-06T01:38:00.002+08:00

"Poetry is nothing to those who dont shed a tear for it."

Its near now. This closing chapter to an old begining. This phase of bodily modifications we are subjected to make or break. Transcending us to a higher, purer level of intoxication. We want so bad to live but strive so hard to die. And when he, death, comes, it would serve us right.

And at times i realize, i'm so morbid. Morbid towards the natural occurences of life. No, its not suicidal, its not whine as you might suggest, it is what we all are.

As you look up into the skies, for divine intervention to a tragic end, it would only occur to you that we're no darker than dirt or finer than ash.

To a realist, this is the beauty of everything.

Impermanence.

Jinny

Bright black coloured pencils

2008-04-01T18:35:00.002+08:00

"If you tell me, I listen. If you teach me, I understand. But if you involve me, I learn."

Saw this quote on a piano book somewhere. Thought i'd use it to kickstart april.

Jinny

God left for another planet a long time ago

2008-03-07T00:28:00.003+08:00

Hello again grave world. I wish we could all live in harmony but our tranquility has mercilessly been disrupted by these tangling webs of lies amongst us.

No, your undying sympathy is not much needed around here. To hopefully look like the better, bigger person. To break that silence between what was said and what you fucked up. Its brutal in many ways but truth has to be told that the world, no, your seemingly perfect world has no place you and your ego of similiar mould and size.

I hope your masquerade dismisses you. A pathetic harlequin.

The environment shapeshifts us. We, as dopplegangers, are forced to put up with the standards of our society no matter what magnitude. This is the chapter of suicide for most, or another man's moment of pro-adolescent glory. And as we shift unknowingly, uncontrollably, losing ourselves to hypocrity and a stereotypical life, we eventually grow complacent towards why we live and love and then we die. Looking back at our meaningless lives.

I dont want to die, but I'm not keen on living either.

Jinny

Cometh the man, cometh the hour

2008-02-14T01:24:00.003+08:00

Ah, the desolation of it all. This barren space that I have yet to beautify once more. With the tragic words patching the life stories up once again.

Just as I thought id've won, victory was just a mirage. This tug-o-war between those in authority and those in love. My victory only seemed to have been there, not anymore. Not anytime this soon, not anytime like now.

I'm just, not good enough. For them. But to them, its, for you.

Dont even get me started on college pressure. The deprivation of sleep. The pseudo-willingness is as poisoning to the mind. Dead-ends aplenty when I'm magically getting work done.

For those wondering, I'm fine. Apart from a few life-battle scars, I'm as good as before. Only more sceptical and hateful towards everyone else. But i'm good, letting go of the surplus to requirements pretty easily now, learning to release physical attachments is a long process, but crucial in the long run.

Sleep time is may I stress, very very very important.

Jinny

Give them gallons of the blood and it could never be enough

2008-01-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

I dont want to be self-explainatory about any new year's resolutions. I have made some and i'm going to live by it.

I was thinking to myself during one shower, that the way you present your words does not signify your status in which other people have to climb echelons to be on your height.

Your style is just, different.

And with that, i hate college.

Jinny

I love how you have it all in me

2007-12-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

Okay i'm back from hanoi. So this is when the short countdown begins.

Coming through 5 days in vietnam, i cant tell who's more of a fucking manwhore, a vietnamese taxi driver or a homegrown mat rempit? The resemblance is uncanny. But for once i've arrived back home thanking myself that i live here. I wish you could grow hydrophonic versions of those two in comparison so i can pluck them from their styrofoam bases and crush them into pulp.

Not that i have something BIG against any of them but a vietnamese cabbie once ripped me of 70 ringgit for a ride in less than a kilometre. Not very long ago. In fact, just yesterday. Although it would've been 90 or 20 american dollars without a quarrel. Thankfully, I'm NOT that gullible.

But hell, i'm back, and i can now climb and gym intensively for the next one week or so before judgement day. Which brings to my mind that christmas eve is in the next 15 minutes.

Exactly a year ago i'd have my biggest regret to date. I was at a barbeque, chucking fireworks into the night sky when my grandmother was gasping for breath, unknowing to us that it'll be her last. Maybe she wasn't gasping for air, she was peaceful as i was told, but point is i wasn't there. Everyone else was, but me. How ignorant of me to assume i'd have plenty more time to make up for my absence in her dying days.

And then the year has passed. As quickly as it cometh. Soon enough, we'll step across into another, leaving one more eventful year to rest. A year with loss and accomplishments, riddled with firsts and possibilities, and opportunities well taken, as well as abandoned.

But of course, loss is abundant. Perhaps, the most notables. Many relationships lost, as often as forged. Possesions come and go. But i'm contented that those in which i work for has stuck with me right up till this crossover.

Some things were shamelessly easy to let go. Actually most things, now that i've found myself more open to changes. I've had released many to lessen the burden, things that i've found of no benefit to my well-being, or to me at all. Things that i've felt that i'd be a slight bit happier if it weren't in my life. Sometimes, all you can do, is let go, leaving it all behind as we move one step ahead, taking it all in our strides. Learning from the past and applying it to the future, the oh-not-so-optimistic future.

I like how this year has treated me. Harsh, yes, but it doesn't mean i wasn't harsh either. But i've come to realise how fragile i can be, or everyone else in that matter. Or how headstrong and stubborn the human nature is. How the harshest things can be said but we take the hit to the chin as ignorance of another, the insecurities or the yet-to-develop-more mind. And we move along. In conjunction with the release of the all american rejects song, this year was practically all about moving along.

I've broken down, so many times. I've broken down in the right arms, i've broken down in the not-so-right arms. Machismo or buff or whatever floats your boat, i was broken, am still broken but have been glued in the right places. Sometimes the undefined actions of the people around you are the ones that plays with your mind most. The worse ones are those that seem obvious but are still undefined. But still, you move along, you try to fix it, but you move along.

As far as i'm concern, blame is not something that can be pushed about. And sometimes you find yourself taking more of the blame than you've done. People killing themselves for the pressure being put by a govermental education system. And the system cannot be changed although many know its flawed, because everyone follows the majority. Not everyone's an Akon. Not everyone can ask someone to "put the blame on me" or "i'll take that blame from you" without reasonable doubt.

Before this reverts into a melodramatic fit.

This is (about almost)what the year has brought me. Enlightenment in certain areas of my life. And there are those things or people that i'm more than happy to have as the year unfolds. My Lovely Bones as i would call it.

"A little hush please, the next episode is about to begin."

Jinny

Greetings from hanoi

2007-12-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

The drivers here are quite high. They think they're in the land of 1000 virgins and can drive with their eyes closed. Its like they achieve multiple orgasms if they blare their horns. I'm serious.

And they NEVER drive according to lanes. One lane is NOT enough.

Dad loves this place, he has a natural affinity to a place like this considering he's working here from next year onwards. But I silently loathe everything here but halong bay.

Halong bay is the most beautiful place on earth.

Okay, enough for tonight. Oh, its one hour slower than the time back home here.

Damn i bloody miss you.

Jinny

The scope's in black and white now

2007-12-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

"Cause I need you now."

This void, absence of you is like a crucification to my senses. My conscience. Staying home throughout the entire day today made me feel, and reluctantly embrace the vortex that you left behind. The time is playing games, i know. Its slowing more than usual, but like we've agreed, through tooth and nail, as much as i'm longing for your presence now, we'll get through this.

Like i promised time and time again, i'll be that person you'll only have to look for as you rush your way out of the gate.

We should be waltzing through hectic week ahead. You on a euro trip, and me to the communist vietnam. And by the time we're back on sunday, the short countdown commences.

Sounds awesomely good.

Nothing much to have a spitfire going about really. The week's filled with climbing, climbing, gym, and more climbing. Nuff said. However i must admit that my proportionally out-of-shape body is creeping towards a comeback trail. The skin's tightening and muscles inflamed, which could only be a positive indication.

Gaining the girlfriend's praises for a good week's workout.

As for the year's summary, i'll let other people speak for it. My own account in my words might ignite dying embers. Certainly enough (unnecessary)drama for an annual timespan. But next year isn't looking bleak at all. A few (overseas)holiday trips with thegirlfriend or herfamily included is already on the plans, we'll see how it goes about that.

Still struggling to get my brain in unison to write.

Jinny

Good tattoos ain't cheap, cheap tattoos ain't good

2007-12-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

"And the hardest part of this, is leaving you."

I guess i'm doing fine. I cant really tell for sure but i think i'll be okay. Till you get home and into my already pumped-up arms.

Camp 5 and the gym are doing magical things to my body mass or some sort. The flabs are turning into abs i suppose, and my skin slowly feels too tight on me. Which could probably mean i'm on the right track to regaining the ultimate level of climbing and a magical figure.

Prior to this, i have successfully dispell the impression to others that i'm a growing glutton who does not potray visual evidence of getting heavy. Until now, when i lift my shirt above my abdomen, you'll see. Typing that just makes me feel like binge eating.

One thing i'm not on course to regaining is the spark to write. I feel bland and boring.

Haircut. I probably need a haircut.

The concert was wet. But awesome nonetheless. Gerard Way is one cheeky lad. Heh. Good concert with complimentary stiff neck and sore throat.

Gosh, i'm thinking so much. Not fun anymore now that i cant write.

Jinny

I'll be good, i promise

2007-12-08T02:31:00.000+08:00

Fuck, it hurt.

Its an Ankh by the way.

Everything intensive starts today, that thegirlfriend is already on her way to abudhabi now and will probably be arriving arab land in the next hour or so. Very highly emotional moment for me.

26 days. I wish i didn't knew how to count.

I bloody fucking miss you already.

The birthday dinner. Steak hardly digestable, but jersey and everything else made up.

Christmas come early in Singapore.

Fuck, i love my new phone. ('s camera)

Like how i have fulfilled that notion, that i'll be there when MCR comes down. I got the cheapest seats though, free SEATing at a rock concert. Cut cost. Another gay-escapade with brad.

I wish i had high midi-chlorian counts now. Oh crap, i'm supposed to be sleeping.

Jinny

Dont trouble trouble till trouble troubles you

2007-11-13T02:04:00.000+08:00

I swear one of you said you'd pay for a lok-lok truck to conveniently drop by at my place for my birthday.

Liars.

There's some reason why i've banned myself from making gratituous speechs and birthday posts online anymore. Because when you're happy with someone and nothing shitty crops up just yet, you say the nicest, most pleasant superlatives you can churn out about someone.

And when shit hits the fan, when you've had a fall out, when one of you starts being the bitch, you'll say its true that everything sweet said seems to have uncannily been banished from your conscience. Its like all the "thank you so much"s and "you've always been there for me"s have been relegated to a distant echo.

How superficial.

Dumb superficial me.

Please, dont take into account, all the nice things i say, i wont mean it once we're done and through. And thats the case now isn't it?

Sigh. We've always been thoroughly decieved through and through.

Catching up, dad's going to be an expatriot this february. But mum's too much of a workaholic to follow dad to the northern reaches of vietnam to become The Expatriot's Wife. And with dad going away, i will need an atm card on top of my supplementary card. Thank you.

Thegirlfriend's Expatriot Family is home for about the month, and i'm currently applying for "watch and learn" cooking sessions with the mum. As for thegirlfriend, who had her face incised(?) by a surgeon today, you look good with the uglybandage. Although i would've changed my views if i saw the pus actually oozing out. Heh. :p

Currently having a dilemma over which manchester united player's name to be ironed onto my jersey. Ronaldo's name would cost a nice 80 ringgit. Nani's more expensive because his player number has 2 digits. Ferdinand or Carrick, however, would render me penniless. Evra's cheap, but he's rubbish.

Good. Physics 2 in 2 days and i'm in an internal conflict.

Jinny

An icicle is the perfect murder weapon

2007-10-30T01:49:00.000+08:00

I have deeply sinned by providing only two(this included), brief, miserable, and uninspiring updates in the whole month of october.

As compensation, i'll help announce to all couch potato rock fans who are too occupied to read the papers out there that my chemical romance is in concert here on the holy 9th of december.

And i like how my friends instantaneously co-relate me and the band.

For now, i will relieve you of my words because i am abso-fucking-lutely uninspired. On an unrelated note, an anti-swearing bet from thegirlfriend managed to last a harrowing 2 days.

Talk about being a foulmouth. I know, i surprise myself too sometimes.

Plus, i noticed how my abdomen looks like waterpark tubes stacked up when i'm sitting and leaning forward. I have come to accept my bodily transformations and i will admit that it looks more revolting than my burps and farts, although they're not in the same genre(?).

I see a non-existant diet dancing, taunting me like a mirage.

I'm hitting the gym and extensive climbing sessions when thegirlfriend goes off to abudhanbuibfsjk.

Okay, see you!

Jinny

We must all head down in the direction of our fear

2007-10-12T02:32:00.000+08:00

Hi, its me again.

I have no particularly good reason to explain why i've not produced anything lately. Just like how Darren Hayes has disappeared from the face of the earth without prior notice.

The build-up to yesterday's blast-off was probably just unnecessary hype. But to see a Malaysian-made hand trying to reel a floating pen back into his grasp at the bottom of the television screen, has convincingly warmed me with proudness and awe.

I want to float off into the vast echelons of space if i could. Like how all(most) Malaysians feel now.

Outer space can wait. The A-levels finals is one more biting at my ass. Am resorting to being a study junkie, but not producing desirable work rate. When shit hits the fan, so will I.

Jinny

You've brought me square propellers

2007-09-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

The previous post has been expunged by request.

Many things, nasty or nice has been blabbered over the last couple of days. Mainly due to the fog of ignorance. Leading to many assumptions being made.

I have, made a couple of lousy remarks indirectly to alot of people courtesy of my posts. However, it would be a little too 'covenient' to retract what's been said. But now that the air's been more or less cleared, i'm undoubtly contented by the clear picture everyone else has painted.

I now know i'm not of your liking. I respect that, and I dont hold anything against you for that. I can at least take credit for the fact that i made you laugh.

And for some who've made hurtful false statements/personal attacks. Its best you stick to your side of the bed now.

Because words, harsh words, seep into the bones.

Jinny

Sleep well, i'm not dead

2007-09-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

This could be considered as a blogging comeback at the most miniscule level. I guess its about time when my conscience jabs me in the ass to provide an update for my already diminishing number of readers.

So during the hiatus. The trials have come and go. What was sown has yet to be reaped, the prospects of it isn't exactly bleak, but certainly hardly aglimmer. If such a word has ever been established.

I choose not to be in despair over what's coming. But apparently my lack of self-confidence and drive isn't hitting the right notes with thegirlfriend. Claims it as my worst intolerable habit to date. Wonderfully surpassing my knack to belch and fart.

I'm on a two week study break now. But the study in this break so far seems very non-apparent. In conjuction with visit "shithole of a place on earth"malaysia 2007, i've been spending time in the national science center playing mindball and crooning over the size of garoupas in aquaria klcc in the past week(or month) that i was supposedly MIA.

One of the more satisfying maraudings was the trip to the hometown of m'cca with thegirlfriend. I like m'cca. Its not just because i grew up playing power rangers or conveniently had most of my bodily scars printed on me there. I like it because i can eat my seehams at an affordable 50 cents a stick as per compared to 80-100 cents here. I like it that my first cousin is an ahlong who has 3 wives and WAS on the run, and i could laugh and joke about him because he doesn't understand english. Where else could be politically correct for someone like him to reside other than in glorious hometown of mine.

And i particularly love my aunty's antique shop near stadhuys. Because its a corner lot, near the bridge, and i know i'll get freebies everytime i'm there. Just ask thegirlfriend.

And i shall abruptly stop writing here. Because i ran out of things.

Thank god i still have brad as my only indicator that i'm still alive at least to someone out in the wilderness.

Jinny

My heart's only big enough for two of us

2007-09-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

Many times I've always thought of myself to be a rather strong one. Tough cookie with a hollow center. Capable and competent to withstand and contain pressure like a cooker. Able to dust aside the world, the harsh, harsh world. To fall into damnation time and time again and to stand up and to sweep the dirt off my shoulders. Feeble, but otherwise optimistic, charismatic still.

All until i found myself broken down, shut out from any personal consciousness, just lay my head there, on your shoulders, flooding my jumper you were donning, with the tears forced out by overwhelming pressure and emotion. My ego was non-existant, my hands were numb.

"I'm here, baby, it's going to be okay, I promise."

And i found myself sobbing, almost bawling. Eyes swollen from the sudden threshold, nose runny and watering. I was something you'd call a dried prune.

"It's really not that bad."

Which aptly assures me that i will not be disowned soon.

Still, the sub-reasons for breakdown still poses questions in my head. It was more of a thousand different fucked-ups mashed up in a jumble of panties. Leaving me dazed, ostracized intially.

I dont understand why some of us would never be happy for someone else's newfound glory, our own friend's. Its somewhat incomprehensible. And by feeling happy, it does not mean to leave and let be. I've not been connected much with the world that once revolved around me, i admit to that. But i have never felt the same comfort and significance previously as i do now, with my life, to begin with.

Which explains to why i'm slowly disassociating. I'm just another grain of sand to many of you, and you give me ultimate pleasure to clarify that on my own realisation. I dont ultimately believe in the friend crap, i believe in companions. People who are ready(or rather willing) to accept your drastic changes, and still be there to support your ass one way or another.

So i hear bullshit about some not taking any changes positively, or defaming one another just because someone's not subjected anymore to his/her stereotypical self. This sort of behavious is absolute immature and incompetently foolish. Just because you're eternally condemned to being depressed and pissed, and lived out your adolescent days that way does not mean everyone around you(or was around you) is subjected to being in equilibrium to whatever you're feeling. Some people change for the benefit of a healthier lifestyle and much personal satisaction, rather than popping pills and playing the old suicide games anymore. So why cant you be a tad bit more contented for your (supposed) friend? I may be merely just saying my mind without knowing you well at all, but judging from what i see from you, its utter nonsense.

Correct me if i may have just assumed how you are to be.

Many a times now i feel left out, even if dont make the attendance for an event, it never fails to feel heart-warming upon recieving an invitation or to be let in to stuff. But i'm not complaining, i'm just saying. Its a petty price to pay for veering away from the usual group.

So put the blame/scrutiny on me only because i have a someone.

I dont know what inspired me to say what i just did. Must be the frustration.

Its late, go to sleep. Fucksss.

Jinny

Cause wherever you go, well thats where i'll go

2007-08-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

I'll make it a point to follow dad to the himalayas in india for pilgrimage when given the opportunity to.

This is me, attempting to be a little more spiritual.

And maybe to be contented with my material possesions by throwing myself into nether regions where televisions are a novelty.

I've got study plans almost everyday now, because late august brings about the AS trials examinations. I'm trying my level best to not subject myself to another bout of last-minute scavenging through notes because it never really materialises.

But i hate studying. I hate doing extra revision. I do it for the sake of shielding myself from public embarressment during the latter years. Its always worth doing more when you like it. Apart from the days i'm motivated(hardly) and feeling all comfy and woozy to work on some knowledge-enrichment attempts, studying makes me delirious, and narcoleptic.

But i have the quantum stone blazing around my neck now. It (supposedly) makes me tad bit more enegetic. Its supposed to keep me sturdy when standing on one leg in some yoga pose, and not topple over when i'm being rammed or headbutted. Baby calls it the 400 dollar dogtag. I call it a "400 dollars that should've gone to my shoes/slippers/jeans/abudhabitripfund". The stupid stone only brought bout after bout of ultimate stomach discomfort and plenty of expelled wind. Not very glamorous.

Apparently you can place it under a water bottle and "charge" the water to have the same effect to the drinker as it is to the "bearer of the stone". For now i'll continue dangling it from my neck and still be waiting for the herculean effect this stone brings.

Even more desperately now when i feel like a bottle of japanese mayo when it comes to studying.

And due to the successful debut outing of Bradjinn in the Taylors University College Tiring Run Around KL And Have To Bloody Restart When We're In The Lead Because The Organizers Screwed Up And Its So Unfair Merdeka Amazing Hunt, we're gonna feature in another treasure hunt this coming sunday at gasing hill organized by our most favourite shop in ss2 with one of the most wonderful staff(CJ) ever in the working world, Corezone. Which would make us Corefriends to the shop. And hopefully garner a little more than 30 ringgit that was won in the Taylors University College......... Hunt(which i'm still yet to recieve), so i can gleefully contribute into my Abu Dhabi Holiday Trip Fund. And pay brad what i owe him for bloody rope.

I may not know what's the hour at your place, but its 1.36am here in ss2. And it means its awfully late for someone as sleep-deprived as me to be blogging and listening to 30 seconds to mars at the same time. The only reason i'm staying up is because i'm still deciding on whether to do substantial amount of work although the answer's pretty fucking obvious. And England versus Germany in about an hour. Its been a century since i've managed to stay up for a football match.

Now before i doze off on my laptop and fry my sperms, and have baby accuse me of sleeping on her again, i'm going to abuse my microwave once more and make myself a shrimp sandwich. And get the ball rolling.

Probably update in several decades considering i'm very busy contemplating on whether to study nowadays.

:)

Jinny

You sound better when you shut up

2007-08-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

I have no idea about your take on consideration. But it has subsequently brought me to a boil. While you're snuggling comfortably into your comforters and indulging away in bed linen while in united embrace with your pillows, and i'm here, right where i am, running to and fro just to get a clip from a thousand others moving and working. Shunning away my screaming, heavy and awfully tired eyelids right up till where your alarm clock starts preparing itself for your stubby fingers to jam away at the snooze button. For what?

To save your motherfucking asses. From possible embarressment i would dare say. While you and your soddy bunch gallantly tread and work your way through the crawlspace under tables. Oblivious to everything else.

I think to the very least. A meagre unsincere thank you to the both of us would've been more than could be asked for.

But knowing you and the rest. Enough is said.

Jinny

You, me, and my medication, our love is like a chemical reaction

2007-08-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

"Baby, excuse me while i melt."

It could be the definite amounts of radiation of the electronics i'm revolving myself around. But this excruciating pain that's seemingly poking into my eyeballs will eventually disperse. So i hope.

The college days dont seem to match up to the weekends now. Its about a habit to immerse myself in one particular plan for the weekend and make it an appointment to most look forward to. To most anticipate. I wake up on the only side of my bed to a day closer to whatever's been laid out on the planning board.
And thats how time ceases monotonously throughout the week. Longing for the weekend with its mast seemingly rising in sight simultaneously as i scrape through a taylors day after another.

I honestly have yet to let the handbrake down fully on my studies. Still, prospectively, yet to take flight. The consistent rhythm.

The final rant would be on the quantum-science purified water that's condemning me into some stomach-clutching frenzy. Bloody energized water supposedly to remove toxins/negative chi and conveniently christen its drinker to eternal stomach discomfort. And when you're busy shoving pillows into your own abdomen, you are required to drink some more to "get used to it". And then your kidney generates heat and your bladder pops like a sweet golden popcorn.

Its a more subtle way to have the impression you're drinking from the klang river.

Everything here feels so metaphorical today.

And now my stomach's working up a storm again. Fuck.

Jinny

Choice is always with us

2007-08-06T00:41:00.000+08:00

Apparently, brad has a clearer description and documentation of the climbing trip with top notch video editings.

Click brad's link on my links list please.

Jinny

Baby, those crushing forearms are all yours

2007-07-31T01:12:00.000+08:00

"Here we are, this is bouldering haven."

Finally, finally, climbed outdoors. In ipoh, lost world of tambun to be exact. The land with abundance of limestone caverns and towering walls of solid sharp jagged rock.

Drove down early saturday before dawn as to maximise climbing time. The foursome. Me, brad, chikhan and jordan. Joined by noel, and the 2 austrians marianne and johannes. Them in their bangvan, we in suzy.

Proceeded to be slightly high on (suspectedly)magic mushrooms somewhere between slim river and kampar. Because chikhan apparently stuck his ass out of the rear window everytime he had the urge to fart. Attempted to fart outside with the travelling wind but instead the stench will somehow leech back into the car.

There's a place in ipoh called simee, which reminds me of the portugese football player simao.

Okay random. The dimsum there's pricey as well.

So then we had many pictures taken. Plenty of topless ones.

Testing the aerodynamics of jordan's new la sportiva katanas.

Educating marianne and johannes about siewmais, cheecheongfuns and hakaus.

Raring to climb.

The lost world of tambun. Magnificent landscape.*Ran out of captions*

The Climbing Foursome

Us in bouldering action.

Okay so i jammed the stupid picture loader. I seemed to have hit the picture-uploading brickwall again.

I'll have more pictures up when i feel like it.

After all the climbing, jordan, chikhan and i were to slide about the water park like bloody pre-adolescent kids while the rest retired back to their shabby, sleazy deluxe hotel room.

They proceeded to lead-climb the next day which left us battered hope of learning how to lead. The 3 of us set for home sweet home on the day we arrived instead and after chikhan managed to tear up his pants on the water slide. I think they both got their balls hard-boiled in the hot springs as well.

So much for another climbing post.

Jinny

Baby, you like random and i'm good at random

2007-07-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

"I feel like i'll pop someone in the head."

My last post failed to garner a constructive critism from that anonymous friend of mine. It was a reminder instead. A harsh one. To open my eyes and observe my own flaws and impurities before taking the further step.

Then again, there'll be some others who just love to hate. I dont know. I'm incapable of being the verdict as to whether the comment was more of a subtle personal attack or genuine word of advice. Choice of words can reflect many opinions.

But then again, I don't realise where i've gone wrong if nothing's being said.

Oh wells.

This is usually the part where i start pondering about the future, my future. How insecure and uncharted it seems. How i might be squandering chances into universities and having a hellish life at the end of the day. With a future next to none, i'd die depressed, delirious, possibly before i hit my mid-life crisis.

I'm slowly rectifying my problems, fixing myself and going back to organizing my own life, having things planned out for myself although i'm somewhat an illiterate in laying out plans. Not at my desired pace, and definately not at a pace to grant myself a peaceful, successful future. But i try, am trying.

Sometimes i'd like to think of myself as a late-bloomer.

Right now i'm stalled at my physics notes. Time to flick on the hazard lights and roam back on track. Only after i get my sleep.

Gosh, I hate myself for procrastinating.

Jinny

Hold on tightly, let go lightly

2007-07-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

"Baby, if you look like death, then i'm necrophilic."

(Only because its on the top of my head right now.)

Was feeling really gutted all the way in college today because some bloody things just stay in your ass. All the pent-up frustration. Had my fist clenched. And muscles tightening. That wanting feeling to punch someone random.

One of these days. When my stomach does cockscrews and mind unleashes an impulse of rapid anger movement. I will wreck destruction, and condemn myself to more intense pressure and hatred towards. But at least i think i'll get my satisfaction.

Coming home, i get online and see myself to more of those 'insignificant' feelings. The brainchild of my constant paranoia. But feeling what my mind and body tells me to feel, dispells the notion of being paranoid. Paranoia stems from assumption, but when everything's in real-time and happening, there's no need for assuming.

Some certain people loathe me for doing something they assume i did. Or that i'm not suffering in the same moat as they are. Something i'd accomplished from my own (whateversleft) courage and self-confidence to pick myself up from a ravine and campus my way up to the top again. I've done my part to patch and be normal. Bless you, but what is it about me that you're against again?

I'd go on. If not for to save readers from another barrage of self-explainatory ranting and assaults on you, you, and more you(s).

Made the attempt to escape and unwind after break today by skipping LAN and chemistry with baby to toy with the manuals of her peugeot. Zoomed down to batu caves, to the kl city center, to utama, to ampang, and kepong and along the federal highway and other speed-prone freeways around. And thankfully made it back on time for biology. Destressed with aimless driving and accelerated euphoria.

Okay, its lovely bones time.

And you know how i look forward to our fridays and weekends. Its about time i pit my skills against ikea furniture(if the ikea workguy doesn't beat me to it) and mass packing. I'm helping you, your mum, cass, ah girl, ah boy move houses and i dont care. Heh.

Jinny

Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces

2007-07-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

Yehaa. A climbing trip. One to climb topless and show off my newly reformed abs. Coming soon to you.

As for now, i feel like reading my lovely bones. Or fantasise on 'what if' our football team had beaten iran. Or complain to my mother how my ankle is in excruciating pain.

Oh fuck, i totally forgot about my ankle. How to climb trad rock?

Fuck la.

I cant join the adidas run or pj half marathon or subang jaya run.

Fuck la.

Back to where i was wondering what i feel like. I'd jump into my suzy, make my way to uncivilization, only to have you entirely in my hulking pumped-up arms.

:)

Jinny

They gave us 2 shots to the back of the head, and we're all dead now

2007-07-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

Yes and no. My mind refuses to aknowledge the idea of my long lost dog possibly buried under mounds of human excretion somewhere in a rural dumpsite. But my intuition is convinced that he's dead. Or he could still be roaming the streets, sniffing feet for a meal, or living the life of luxury we could have never afforded for him. Its simple, if he comes back, he comes back. If he doesn't, i wish him well.

Nobody seems to give a rat's ass about his disappearance anymore. However my maid's still living in denial and occasionally pretends to herself that my dog's still prancing about at the porch.

For someone who bathes and feeds the dog all the time. She took his hiatus the hardest.

I'm gutted from ranting about my retarded dog.

My dad went on an electronic gadget spree recently. I have a videocam which i already conveniently took saucy clips with, and an 8.1 megapixel camera and i hardly even know how to take angled shots. I've always been an illiterate in bloody electronic gadgets. Not very dope for me.

But i got through a few nice(in my humble opinion) shots.

Had an impromptu crab dinner with bren and her family(including extended) yesterday.

Apparently i've never done that in my life. Milestone!

"One day, the sun fell into the sea and created a big tsunami. OMG the tsunami destroyed the make-up factory and OMG the world has never seen my 2 sisters without their cover up." -edited from a story typed by Cassie on her 2 sisters

Jinny

Go chase yourself

2007-07-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

She's so high. High above me. She's so lovely.

Jinny

Dont forget to breathe tonight

2007-07-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

"You'd get wrinkles if you smile so much; Baby, those who hardly smile dont live long enough to even see their own wrinkles."

I've heard optimists say that as long as you only immerse yourself with thoughts and visualizations of your wants in life and dont anticipate the outcome, your universe will find ways to mould to accomodate you. Or was it the law of metaphysics?

At times i cant help but knock myself and wonder. How'd you move along with the flak and scrutiny that you've most willingly recieved? Maybe its your tongue that's living the knive's edge, you're controlling as much as your conscience can tell, but how long more before you really pierce a heart, or break a spirit with words like your mother warned you?

You always seem to assume superiority upon your own image. Maybe ego-stricken and arrogant to some. Wary of what other's think about you and of your purpoted infidelity. Again to some, you're maybe potrayed as slightly materialistic, constantly flanked by the opposite sex, a womaniser. But deep down inside, you know better that when you've found that someone, its the only person you want.

Now that you've extinguished old embers to ignite a new flame, you're basking in a whirlwind of love. You hope this euphoria doesn't fizzle anytime soon, but your experience tells of otherwise. You know after these initial stages, commitment, something you've never been afraid of, overrides everything else. You want to give everything, but your battle scars are a vague reminder that your other half might not share the similiar prospects of your relationship. "Its never a bed of roses", but everyone can see so clear, you want it, and you're ready. For her.

You know better that optimism can only bring you thus far. You've been more of an opportunist in your lifetime. You've had your (pussy)suicide attempts, carressing your skin with surgical blades. A streak of great depression decorates your portfolio. Many a times you celebrate life and its splendours only to allow others to bring you down. People say you're somewhat melodramatic and can never see the sunny side up in things, which i personally think is too honest of others. Once or twice you still get bouts of 'below-neutral' sensations, but you're coping rather well now, so well you tend to laugh (some) of your worries away.

You can be proud of the fact that you're trying to be an impact in her life in everyway possible so you could support and mould her into a better person than she already is. With every good intention. I hope she's proud of you too. This is just about one thing about you that no one really knows of, you want to make an impression in the lives of others, because its probably the only thing you'll feel accomplished for.

That's why you know you love her.

Oh, and Jinn, let love and hate shower you. You need a good balance anyway.

Jinny

Bury me in all my favourite colours

2007-07-03T12:14:00.000+08:00

I carefully stuck a post-it on my semester fee invoice reminding mum to issue a cheque only for her to ignore in the morning. She conveniently left it in the middle of the room for dad to walk into it. And i came back from college today to see my purple post-it replaced by a larger yellow one.

'Will review with you when we meet your college this Saturday for the results. The fees can be paid 14 days after 3 July. Hope you can appreciate the opportunity to have a good education.'

Daddy arrr. Taylors parent-teacher day cancelled. Form 6 registration closed already i think. TAR college intake passed long time. You highlighted 'WITHIN 14 DAYS FROM DUE DATE' on the invoice like i have 14 days to choose whether its abdul samad or taman sea for form 6. Fucking hai latt.

And then today i recieved another invoice for the external examination fees and it totalled up to about 1000+ ringgit which i'm not planning to reveal to my parents yet as long as my 2nd semester is not assured.

Mum was an annoyance early this morning. She contributed to the pre-college tulanness.

My family's away in s'pore for my sister's convocation and i could get out. I could gallavant without the need to spray WD40 on the main grills so they wont squeek. I could get out till 4 in the morning and my maid would still be asleep to report anything. I'm surprised, but i think it'll surprise everyone else in my family more if they'd knew i was home all night.

Mum or anyone hasn't called back to check. I wonder if they realise that i'm not actually with them.

My maid confessed to me today that she fancies malaysian rock to indon. Isabellaaa......

One of these days i'll strangle the neighbour's kids.

Baby, you're right. I shouldn't have been defiant and gone climbing today. My left foot swelled up so badly i can hardly squeeze into my shoes. And i think i really need to initiate the keyhole surgery on my left wrist. With my education fund.

I was supposed to sleep at 10 to douse the lonely feeling. I think i'll sleep now.

Good night.

Oh yehaa. Dad just called to check.

Jinny

Baby i'm just soggy from the chemo, i'm counting down the days to go

2007-07-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

"Bloody hell, i fucking love it that you're mine." -Jinn

Oscar's so long gone, i feel like i only have a vague recollection of how he looks. The guessing box is open. Dead or alive, it could be either way. If someone's keeping him, i hope they'll love him for the slippers he ravages, the bloody retard he is, and the metal grills and gates his piss corrodes.

Two months and moon cycles on, you're my solace.

For the record, i win the corny warfare. Hands down. Even if you'd never voluntarily conceed.

Whoosah.

Jinny

What if i wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face

2007-06-30T15:11:00.000+08:00

No quotes because i've not mouthed anything smart or significant during the build up to this post.

Mid term results came in yesterday. Christened me with a 2 hour session of blatant mother to son lecture. Facing mum on some terribly uncomfortable coffee chair yesterday was the tightest slap i've got since i spat words back at her long before i reached puberty. And i dont know, maybe you're discreet and reading my blog without being over-obvious, but dad, i am hiding my results from you.

As much as i hate a talking to. Now my mother knows where the hell i go in the late hours and why. Accustomed herself to my tendency to make empty promises. And firmly lodged in my head is when to say no, and yes.

And then dad, something you shouldn't know is that i drove to port dickson. With 2 girls. We overnighted in a resort. So maybe if you're really reading this, you'd probably be furious. Its hard to relate to you sometimes, and i'm guessing its our family upbringing. Its not that you're not important, its just so fucking much easier to talk and express to mum. Its tough to peck you on the cheeks without feeling self-conscious, heck, its hard to even say good night to you, let alone an apology text message.

And now with oscar long gone. I dont know if we'll even see him again.

Nobody seems to really care.

Beach holiday was different. I now know my way in and out of port dickson like the back of my hand. I know where bayu beach resort is, where most of the haunted spots are, the most cursed road, new market, lighthouse, almost everything i should familiarise with and suddenly its not the size of camp 5 anymore.

Thanks to ah girl(shuyi) and ah boy(leroy) who met up with me, xr and chucs for dinner after our sunbathing attempt. They led us to seafood. Then the lighthouse. Was an accomplishment for chucs who'd claim its the most adventurous trip she's been in. Had an evening walk up a jungle road in pitch black conditions and i surprised myself for not feeling any fear whatsoever. The panting and sweat was worth it though, because just the mere thought of being alone so high up at the lighthouse coupled with the sea breeze can be euphoric. Sorta like a faraway, minus you. Took up a few cancer sticks due to daddy issues while listening to boy's emosong classics. Made the treacherous journey down through scary pitch black road to the car after almost 3 hours up and got back to the resort to sit by the beach. With kampais and arnotts in hand, gradually freaked ourselves out with scary stories. Briskwalked from beach to car to mamak for another round of stories, supposedly less-frightening with presence of light and people. Ended up sleeping with lights on.

Weouw. Its difficult to blog in the manner which i just did.

I'll do better with pictures.

From this trip, my car's finally got an identity, an anatomy, and chastity. I requested a name that'll invoke the feeling of abuse towards it. Something that'll make people just wanna dent and bruise. Suzy.

And oh baby. You're back. :)

Jinny

If looks could kill, you'd be a murderer. Maybe just a whore

2007-06-27T03:31:00.000+08:00

"Baby, I was about to ring up the malaysian navy to enquire if there was a plane from kl that didn't make it to koh samui." -Jinn

Okay so you're basking in the sun, chalking up old caucasian perverts and getting gay massages from thai gays. Not like they're much different from tranvestites. Working your fingers amongst electronic gadgets which you slowly and horribly are getting used to. You just blew 60 bucks from your purse making international calls so i could hear you and you could suscribe to my daily report. Poor baby. And oh, i miss you terribly(not like i've not made it a little too apparent).

So you've got your beach holiday in honeymooner's paradise, and i'll have mine in a place the size of mid valley tomorrow. An all-girl's (road)trip. Literally.

In the past week i was deflowered of my wheelchair-bound-virginity. I was someone so full of hope for the holidays, all plans laid out, brimming with anticipation for self-improvement attempts, amongst them to "tonify" my already flabby seeham tummy. And then i was climbing, bouldering as usual, when i fell from bloody 2 feet with my ankle in a fragile stance.

*CRACK*

The caps lock and bold was to signify that it was THAT fucking loud. Next thing i knew i was whimping in front of a dozen international school kids. The ice-packs only seemed to fuck things more and hopping on one leg from camp 5 to the clinic was worst than having my car ploughed into by a senile old man's car. Clinic conveniently braised my skin with the infra-red light during the heat-therapy and thank bloody god for the bloody wheelchairs.

Special treatments. Priorities on who gets to go in the lifts in front, habsyixixixixillion stares. The perks of being wheelchair-bound. The stares are most likely due to me and brad being convincing retards.

"Excuse, excuse, *waves arms* i'm a retard." -Jinn on wheelchair

Oscar, my narcoleptic dog is on the run again. For almost 2 days now. I wouldn't be brave enough to say i'll accept that he's probably road kill or beagle stew, but we just might have to deal with reality harsher and sooner than we thought. As far as i'm concerned, he could still be a virgin. Okay seriously, i need blog readers around my area to just be attentive to white and lemon-brown dogs roaming around. Ears long and flappy and probably black with dirt right now. If a kid or indonesian maid says its oscar, then its oscar because they know best.

Oh wait, i have a picture to simplify matters.

As much as i say i despise him, i do care for him. Please come back.

Jinny

In a field outside of town, we could always be alone

2007-06-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

Baby you hardly left a day.

Sigh.

I miss you.

Jinny

That i know, how to save a wife

2007-06-21T03:56:00.000+08:00

"Ah, i take 100 only, uncle ar, next time look at car then only turn. Sigh" -directly translated and edited from a jinn saying(jinn nailing a stupidity home-run)

Okay, this is me with panties up in a bunch. I'm a more controlled person now, i'm encouraging myself to give and take with people around, i'm slowly and finally starting to enjoy grandma's food instead of pretending anymore.

And god sends a senile, berserk old man behind a wheel to fucking ram my stupid car.

Not only that, i got a shelling from mom for only accepting 100 bucks from a possible 150 from that stupid old man. Only because he was frail and balding and the fucking terrified children in his car eyeballing me. And now i'm left with a crater of debts to my dad for dents and more dents, and summons aren't bloody paid yet.

So much for being kind and understanding. Fuck, me for being so stupid.

Then, the indian(contrary to popular belief, not all barbers are indian) barber today screwed my hair up for the 2nd time already. Parents are on a bitching run. And i just found out that the mid term results will be mailed by next week.

Beach holiday coming up and my bee's off for a week to koh samui in abit. Sigh.

Will take full advantage of 'us week' just yet. :)

Sighhhhhhhhh, stop whining over how whiny this is, what do you expect at 4 in the morning?

Jinny

The shadow grew as he approached the ground

2007-06-17T03:19:00.000+08:00

Bonjour. Vouz Desirez?

Ou sont les toilettes?

Remember i made a bold statement that i'll self-teach myself french. Dont rule it off like all the other stupid statements i've made in my entire stupid life. Its Francais time. Oui!

Okay, so the exams were fucked. And i'm waiting on death row for my time on the noose in the form of a result slip. Am chasing mum to go settle the 2nd semester fees so when my results do come, it'd be too late to pull me out. Hah.

Just came back from apple shisha and 80 kilometres of highway cruisin. With my new stereo's on 29 and windows down, yelled to songs on my player like fuck with a bunch of ho's ridin wit me. Okay i didn't just say that. The new sound system's a ho magnet. But i stick to one only(before i get circumsized).

So this holiday, i'm contemplating on a new blog layout, educate myself with at least 101 french lines to turn up the heat, cook up something magnifique and get started on the very overdue crash pads to add to the bradjinn production portfolio.

Oh la la! La catastrophe!

"Give me a love smile. Gay ha ha." -heavily edited from a jinn saying simply because i vaguely remember what i actually said.

Jinny

If i was in world war 2, they'd call me spitfire

2007-06-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

"You'll never get anything done if you anticipate the mood to do it." -edited from a Jinn saying

Haisehhh. Deep.

Whewoo, 2 days and 3 papers just like that. Just like alot of head-scratching, wall-banging, i-dont-fucking-believe-it laughs. The sub-zero conditions in the multi-purpose hall is to equilibriate the hot-headed menopausal invigilators who are really slowly biting on my ass. I mean, just relax lah!

Contrary to the tight toilet-rules and freezing conditions. Already am accustomed to minimal of 3 minute pissings after each paper yesterday and today. Even standing over the bowl and aiming/peeing so long is testing my tolerance level.

Really really trying hard to understand the word "ductile" now. To no avail, i'll save physics for a fresher, flashier me tomorrow. Before i sleep tonight, i'm gonna need channel-surfing.

A plan i'm going to execute, NOW.

Hmm, my late grandma just strayed into my conscience. Damn I miss her.

"Baby, I got a new sound system, can ride around and pick up the ho's." -edited from another Jinn saying

I really got new sound system. Ha!

Jinny

Baby, i'll wear yours as jewellery

2007-06-11T00:22:00.000+08:00

"Love means giving something you don't have to someone who doesn't want it." -Jacques Lacan

Right now, i'm pissed. Partially devastated. Because someone in this household on this very day had the pleasure of disposing my soft flaccid tube of japanese mayonaise.

Damn you whoever it is. Seriously damn you la.

Brad should've bloody lost his tube so i wont get bukkaked so soon.

Sigh. Just did 5 odd hours of chemistry, on a food foraging break now, and i'm quite confident i've forgotten most of whatever i read. Mid terms starting tomorrow!

Whoosah.

Jinny

Just lay entwined here, undiscovered

2007-06-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

I dont want to be juxtapositional over physics and chemistry. But they're both piling up misery, misery, and very heavy eyelids.

It will be another devil's day of formulae and facts mass cramming before my anxiety and delirium slowly builds up and devours me on monday. Fuck it that they're mailing the mid term results over but thank god it'll only last 4 days.

Am still in the dark on so many things left to read up on. Which would only contribute to more frantic attempts to peek on other people's answers to save my ass. And not get busted. But in the multi-purpose hall? Sigh.

I'm not motivated by fear. I'm hardly motivated at all. I fear regret and the outcome of my lack of motivation. I work on encouragement, not prospects or promises. Which concludes that i'm really really fucked.

Urhh.

Last night was slightly fatigued and i almost swerved into the dividers at 120 at least a handful of times, but was almost the best of the other nights we've had. Albeit you dozing off, and me almost. Mosquitoes charging at the soles of my feet.

Hands in mine, under a visibly satisfying starry sky, paused in the dim glow of streetlamps, you whispered "I love you too".

And the pieces fit.

Okay! To the bathroom for a cold face splash and back to organic chemistry.

Jinny

Love, wasn't blind. It was blinding

2007-06-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

You know. Its the kind of situation where you read and the page blurs out.

I'm struggling so badly i'm flapping. No one's supposed to realise i'm living out my life in here with discontent. My ego wouldn't allow anyone to that tiny piece of information.

I think i'm so sucked and deep into the maelstrom that i'm already accustomed to naturally procrastinate. I forcefully try to blot myself from various distractions, but to no avail. Lest we forget that exam starts monday. Because the majority of exam period is spent in the multi-purpose hall, peeking and answer sharing is near-impossible. So i'll just ready myself to flunk out unless i kick into gear in time.

Which is, highly unlikely because my brain was never effectively trained nor manufactured to decipher urgency.

I feel darn cranky now.

Might drag on till tomorrow. Until you come to me at whatever time.

2 more nights after this. Sigh, baby sigh.

Jinny

You and i, up in the sky, its a combination for disaster

2007-06-05T00:02:00.000+08:00

You have, stolen, my, heart.

I think i'm capable of limping through the week till friday with substantial amount of motivation. Convincing myself that i am actually spending precious ticking moments with productivity.

That is. Until we retreat to our sanctuary again. Hopefully by the end of the(this) hectic week. Which would neutralise the tension and stress at the same time, while enjoy doing what we enjoy doing best.

And baby we'll lean on the breeze this time.

Jinny

Leave me out in the sun, i'll spoil on my own

2007-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

Aha. So one more miserable week left, before something serious comes up. To make or break the rest of our season. Before mum and dad starts bombarding me with enquiries about my results so far and why my bloody summons aren't paid. And then they see a little envelope with a pretty Taylors University College emblem emblazoned on the front, and start making arrangements to send me back to fucking form 6 or TAR college of my choice. Sigh. How melodramatic.

I have one week to change all that. Or at least i think i do. Without the drive or certain motivation, i've got a feeling i'll just scrape through. Only just.

Typing is a bitch right now. I've got my old robocop wrist guard going on right now. Stupid TFC cartilege decided to menopause on me again after a bout of some sick ass overhanging climbing on wednesday. I just ripped a bloody zit off the side of my head, am in pain. And i had someone's trailing heel clipped the back of my head during futsal the other day, which gifted a nice slightly-proportional mound. That still hurts a little despite the bump being pecked and kissed a few times.

And after a habsyixixixixillion years. Was at subang parade today with bee, to get her friend J a fucking pony. Pinkbluewtv 'my little pony' aptly named morning star(?) with a ridiculous parrot tattoo on its ass. You can tie bloody pleats from the long strands of pubic hair of the pony in a spectrum of colours. Sigh, i'm beating the toy up so badly. Its really pretty though. The sort of object only the females will consider into collecting. Yea, then was clowning around toys r'us with mechanical claws and pink tutus. And the tickle-me-elmo advert was gradually pissing me off.

Got fascinated by the little keychain that bore your name lying somewhere definately not close to where it came from. While we were preoccupied admiring human anatomy toys. Seriously. Out of a gizillion names, and a gizillion shelves, and a gizillion other nooks and cranny(s), your name on a keychain, staring at me in the face. Hah.

Then to some grocery shopping and aimless gallavanting. Flashing our flower decorated rubber-uglies.

Its not an empty promise, but i'm really determined to self-teach myself french during the upcoming vacation. Also get myself signed up for some hospital attachment programme because apparently its quite interesting. Maybe go for a(or two?) beach holiday and if i have time, whip in a brownie/scone/devil's food baking session. For the sake of self/relationship-improvement.

A month since i last pinched the moon. In a faraway sanctuary probably only both of us can actually enjoy and feel home even with the endless hoardes of mosquitoes.

I need THAT fix. Quick.

Jinny

Jinn-itis, run

2007-05-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

Bee arr. I want a bloody sundae. Its the only possible way to spoil me AT THIS MOMENT.

It COULD be the only way.

NO!

Okay. It could be the only way for your case as well.

NO!

-End of Conversation-

Got the sundae in the end. Will redeem further pampering later on. :)

Jinny

My pie, 10% misc, 90% YOU

2007-05-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

I'm stuck.

Between the urge of kicking my studying patterns into rhythm for chemistry test tomorrow or insisting to myself that i'll still eke out a little something from my barren and dry brainchambers.

Quite apparently the latter choice prevailed.

Okay, so the mid-terms are in about 2 weeks from this date. The urgency for an examination of this magnitude is due to a substantial amount of pride involved. And of course, the forecast. Something that isn't really stimulating the bloody endorphins in me just yet. Soon lah, soon.

Sister's got a new flashy car. Which reminds me that i already have a little plot to manipulate her for the car until the new-car smell fades off. Fuck, i know she's reading this.

Oh and Happy Birthday Xue Rou. The horrific wrapping of the lillies were bren's fault. So were the abundance of insignificant other flowers(and leaves). Her choice. But dont hold it against her for she spilled tomyum all over herself at steamboat already. Okay. Shut up me.

Back to chemistry. No i mean, back to contemplating on whether i'll forcefully start to study chemistry.

Bee ar, bee, bee..... nothing.

Jinny

Standing on my crucifix

2007-05-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

I'm being charged for I collapsed into my feelings.

I moved and am moving on. Regardless of how insensitive i am and may be. Its my world for the taking.

This is fucking stupid. Why do i even bloody bother?

Jinny

For the habsyixixixixixixixixixillionth time, good night baby

2007-05-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

Okay. So roxx is slain and gone. There were a fair share of those megre and mean routes being set up. None failed to impreganate my already pregnant finger even more.

And now that roxx is slain and gone. There's no more better reasons for me to procrastinate on studies. Just almost a fortnight left before i push myself into overdrive with last-minute redemption. Sigh. Fucking mid terms.

Anywayyyyy.

Mid table finish. Hey, its about 2400 points from being in the top 5. Brad was having a day from hell. And i got my ass whooped my a 13 year old girl called kim by a mere 150 points. But i'm least bothered. I was only there to climb and have fun right(referring to a certain previous post)? Ish. Bloody kim.

Despite the effort. I managed home with a new white roxx t-shirt, a powerbar, a car sticker, a fucking red bull tissue box the size of my palm, and wowoweewow, a flashy blingy silver medal.

Then again, everyone has a medal. So yea.

I have a few good shots of myself in action. And i know brad's slightly pissed because marsh didn't snap anything about him. Except for one, which would compensate for all because it looks the best of the bunch.

Brad can take consolation for having the better looking ass.

Number 1 fan. Reminds me to tape up. Helps me tally the number of routes i've done. Drills motivational thoughts in my head but to no avail. Hah. Ahead and in front of the crowd when i'm on the bloody wall. And carries my chalkbag whenever i want it to be carried. Just like a caddy. :) Shit, my loss.

Ah. Nice pictures. Good marsh. :)

So, roxx whatever. I wet myself in college today. What a shame.

And now the face has a name. And a little outstretched hand.

Now i really gotta get some work done.

Jinny

This next plane's going to your heart

2007-05-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

You got me. Initially you never did. But now you do.

I see the both of them again. How'd he move on so fast? Where's that mental breakdown i expect he'll be suffering from? Infidel. Garnering feelings when everything was still in the boat. It must be. For he would not have stood up in gallantry so quickly, so shunned and oblivious of the not so distant past of his. Typified excuses just to carry on with his whims and fancies. He's a bastard who's losing touch of the world. The world around him as he's being twirled around the sinkhole of attraction. He's pushing luck, he's pulling out his tricks from his bag again. He tries to make her his, or somewhat so. But the question remains, is she his' now?

Third person views. How i love to interpret those disgusted wondering, rolling eyes.

Basking in my little assumptions.

Jinny